Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Imagined Conversations

Casey: (sigh) So glad you're back, Blue. It's always a joy. So tell me again, when are you going home? Erm, I mean, how long are you staying?

Blue: OMG! I am so happy to be here! It's so good to see Original Mom again!! And you Casey!!! I've missed you too! The only bummer is this crate thing during the day.

Casey: Yeah, I've missed... Wait, what do you mean, "this crate thing?" This is what dogs do! We wait until our parents come home at the end of the day. Mom just likes us to wait in our crates so that we don't torment the cat. And you know we would if we could...

Blue: Nuh uh!! There's this place called "Heavensville" and if you live there, you are never in your crate. And you live with TWO cats.

Casey: Never?

Blue: Never ever. And your parents are always home. And you get to sleep on the couch. Or in the bedroom. Or wherever you want! And your dad? He gives you treats at least once a day. Sometimes more!

Casey: (wonderingly) Once a day... Amazing.

Blue: And when the parents are done with dinner, dad cuts up all the leftovers and mixes them with your food! New Mom yells at him not to do that, but he does it anyway. He's awesome.

Casey: Really? Isn't dad that big guy who yelled at me when I came in the door?

Blue: Um, you broke through the screen.

Casey: Who makes a door out of screen? I mean, it's so fragile! You can barely see it. I didn't even notice it was there.

Blue: What about the plexi-glass that was behind the screen? You know, the one that dad put there after you used that excuse last time?

Casey: ...

Blue: That's why Original Mom doesn't like bringing you to "Heavensville" you know.

Casey: Whatever. Mom takes me with her every time she goes.

Blue: Oh yeah? What about those weekends where you get to spend "quality time" with the boy? Where do you think Original Mom goes then?

Casey: ...

Blue: Anyway, this place is fine. I love seeing you guys, and Original Mom gives us that yummy peanut butter. It's even better than the treats in "Heavensville." Too bad we don't get it very often.

Casey: Mom says it will make us fat.

Blue: Speaking of that... You're looking... healthy.

Casey: What are you saying?

Blue: Oh, nothing. I just heard New Mom asking Original Mom what had happened to you. That you used to be so slim.


Blue: (snort)

Casey: What the..? It's not like you're really that fit yourself, you know. I don't know what you're doing when you're not in your crate, but it's certainly not running. Don't think I didn't see you collapse on the grass after our 50 yard sprint on Sunday.

Blue: You mean that sprint where original mom managed to run faster than either of us?

Casey: I know, right? Shameful. We're not puppies anymore...

Blue: Anyway, to answer your original question, I'm here until October 1st.


Blue: Yeah. Why?

Casey: Oh... um... no reason... It's just... Um... Laney will be upset that there are two dogs in the house for that long.

Blue: What are you talking about? Laney LOVES me. I never chase her. I learned how to treat cats from living in "Heavensville."

Casey: Quit bragging about "Heavensville," jerk! Living here is awesome.

Blue: Sure... awesome. Wait until you try the new treats that dad sent home with Original Mom. You will freak out. That is... if she ever gives them to us.

Casey: She will. Especially if she's going to go biking while you're here. Here's what you do... when she moves that giant thing on two wheels out of the living room, jump on the couch, flatten yourself as far down as you can, and look at her with "puppy dog eyes."

Blue: What will that do?

Casey: You'll see. We'll get ALL KINDS of goodies when she leaves.

Blue: Sweet.

Casey: Stick with me, kid. I'll teach you the ropes. Mom's a pushover if you know the right buttons. Crate or no crate, living here isn't so bad.

Blue: It's no "Heavensville" though.

Casey: Will you shut up?!


JennyG said...

Hilarious! Now, if only you could get inside Dale's head. :)

Candace said...

At least you are old mom and not the "nominal" mom.