Tuesday, February 08, 2011


I hate suspense. I have never ever been able to handle it. This is one of those things that I've just accepted and informed my friends about so they would understand the multiple "Does he/she die/get shot/get eaten/fall off the cliff?!" questions about the book/movie/commercial that they have read/seen and I have not. (Heck - I ask those questions even if you haven't read/seen the book/movie/commercial either. I just need to know.)

Thus there are no coping mechanisms in my repertoire for suspense.

This is something I sorely regret at this point in my life.

Also? I tend to over-think things.

Luckily, I HAVE been through heartache. So I DO know how to keep my mind occupied and off of whatever topic seems to be driving me insane. Books were my primary distraction the first time around and video games the second. (What, you haven't had your heart broken more than once? Lucky you.)

This time I have turned to the gym for distraction.

It's a great tool and it's been working well so far. All nervous energy burned off and no choice but to sleep at night after working out for over an hour. Add a good audio book to the workout (or those nifty "cardio-theatres" on the stationary bikes that get a better picture quality than the TV in my house) and so far this is an effective tool to keep my anxiety about...oh....everything pertaining to my future in check.

This tool is especially necessary when I hear more rumors about when, exactly, I'm going to find out whether or not my quest to be a veterinarian will be successful this go-round. And, silly me, I keep checking those rumors. Rumors like, I should have a letter in my mailbox by the end of the week. And those rumors, they tend to drive me batty.

(And, srsly? Snail mail? For this kind of news? What is this, 1990?)

You would think I would avoid the rumors. But, alas, the flesh is weak. So I keep working out.

What I am slowly realizing is that my distraction techniques don't fit in very well with real life.

This makes sense, sort of. For the first heartbreak I was living at home with the folks. What responsibility is there at home except for personal cleanliness and getting to work on time? Reading during all downtime never really affected my "normal" routine. Second heartbreak occurred right out of college during my first job. Again, get to work on time and spend all downtime as you wish. MarioKart for 14 hours at a time? Done!

Now? Apparently, despite my best efforts to avoid this "grown up" phase of my life, I have accumulated various responsibilities that are being neglected with the hours of working out. (I know, right?!) Responsibilities like dog walking... bill paying... snow shoveling... laundry folding...

I am crushed to find out that my coping strategy isn't foolproof.

So tonight I'm dedicating to being a grownup. I'm going to walk the dogs like a good dog owner. I'm going to pay my bills like a responsible adult. I'm going to fold and put away my laundry like someone who's out of college. And I'm going to keep my mind busy doing these tasks so that I don't think about how the latest rumors said that the admissions committee is meeting TOMORROW to seal my fate. (or doom. Whatever.)

I can be an adult! I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...


zlionsfan said...

Rosebud is the sled.

Snail mail is better because it's much easier to frame or burn as the situation may require.

Becoming Grace said...

Yup. You either get something to frame or something to set on fire or tear apart.

And you crack me up with this worrying thing. Just take it as it comes and know we are all hoping that this time next year you are writing about neglecting your blog because of the new semester of classes and more labs.

punkinmama said...

Wait, you're supposed to put the laundry away and not live out of laundry baskets? Who knew?!

Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

Jill said...

if it makes you feel any better...i'm dying every day knowing that on or about Feb. 15 we'll be getting Max's kindergarten placement letter...it's freaking kindergarten. it is ridiculous that I'm worried about it, but yet my stomach has done a flip flop every time my mail man walks up my front steps this month.

I'm sorry you're nervous. I'm sorry the suspense is killing you...but at least you're being productive with your time???? see how I try to look on the bright side for you?

Candace said...

Don't worry. The suspense will be over soon and real life will resume. I have faith that it is all going to work out.