Radio Silence

I keep putting off posting a new blog. Not that there's nothing to talk about, just that I can't seem to find anything around which I would like to build a blog. (I really like the phrase "build a blog" btw. I keep saying it over and over.)

Anyhow, in light of this reluctance to blog, I have decided that I will post random snippets to help out any blog readers I have left (hello? are you out there?) who happen to be bored and searching for entertainment. (oh, and also? My most vocal blog prodder just had twins - one of which is named Emily, ahem - so that's why she hasn't been prodding me much lately.)

* Fall has cometh and with it I have a healthy dog again. Woot! Her coat is beautiful, her eyes are no longer red rimmed, AND she's losing weight. What. A. Relief. I know this happens every year, so it's no surprise, but it is always a relief. The summer months must be terrible for her, and, like any good mother, I hate to see that. Luckily, we seem to have stumbled upon a drug regimen that might help stave off her symptoms next year even while keeping her in a zombie-like state. Still, zombie dog > monster dog. Keep your fingers crossed.

* With the onset of cold weather, Casey has started this new behavior that is disturbing only because it shows how smart she is. I like to keep my house cold at night and Casey sleeps in the bed with me. During the night we move apart because we both need our own space, but as soon as she hears my alarm go off in the morning, she get up, stretches, then cuddles up right next to my stomach. It's like the worst snooze button in the world. Seriously. I haven't been on time once since the cold set in.

* I know that news about vet school admission won't come until December, but I can't help but tense up each time I check the mail these days. Just reject me and get it over with already! I'm resigned to the fact that I'll have to try again. I promise. It's the waiting that I can not bear.

* Remember when I got my ears pierced? Yeah. It turns out that it takes less time to heal from a tattoo than it does for me to heal from these stinking piercings. There is one in particular that seems to be testing me in a battle of wills, and it's not the "weird" one. I got my tragus pierced, as well as three more lobe piercings. So in total, I have three piercings in each ear - two in my left lobe + the tragus, and three in my right ear. The third one in my right ear just does NOT want to heal. It's like my ear is saying, "Look, bitch - we lived just fine with one piercing in this ear for thirty-two years, and now you want three? We'll just see about that." ARGH. I think I knew I would have trouble with this coming into it given that my ears seem sensitive to anything other than 24-carat gold. But five months later?! Argh, I tell you. Argh.

* This semester of school is my first one without organic chemistry since this time last year. This is both a blessing and a curse. Blessing because I can actually succeed in these classes. Curse because I find myself thinking, "Study? I don't need to study. I am too smart for these classes." Yeah. After my first round of tests I went through the whole "Thank you, Lord, for teaching me humility" ritual.

* Do you know what you should never do? Look up your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend on Facebook. It doesn't matter how secure you feel about your life and relationship - nothing good can come of this.

* I did not do anything for Halloween this year save ogle my friend's children in their adorable costumes. It was a pretty relaxing holiday. I fear this is the onset of old age.

* I completed my last bike ride of the season on October 30th. The wind was just as terrible as another ride I did. Still, I got a free beer at the end of the ride to celebrate, so that took some of the sting off. And that ride brought my mileage total for the summer to 1353 - way beyond the goal I set. That was a nice achievement. Now to move on to the next one.

* Right. We had our second annual reunion for those who studied abroad in Costa Rica this past month. It was fantastic and I could blog about it forever. Seriously. These people astound me, and the fact that they are my friends is continually amazing. And so it was the perfect storm when we stumbled upon this relay race, and they all immediately wanted to put a team together. Nevermind that I dislike running. Nevermind that I haven't run a mile in over three years. I respect these folks and they threw down a challenge. "Challenge Extended" to quote Barney Stinson. I have no choice but to accept. So if you weren't ready for this blog to become a bunch of complaining about the horrors of running, prepare yourself now.

* I've never mentioned this before, but the one thing that I will always have from the boy (should this relationship end) is an outstanding collection of outerwear. Seriously. For the last few Christmases and Birthdays (beginning with the trek to Peru, come to think of it) the boy has gifted me with more coats and jackets than I thought were available for purchase. This one for cold weather above 40 degrees Fahrenheit. This one for cold weather below 40 degrees. This one for cold weather with precipitation. This one for warmer weather with precipitation. This one for riding my bike in the rain. It's ridiculous. I had to put a stop to it after the last one because, really, do I seem like a girl who would ride her bike in the rain? Still, I guess I am completely covered for any sort of weather patterns I should ever face. Ever.

* Next semester I will only have one final class to complete, and it's only two credit hours. That's the fewest credit hours I've taken since I started this endeavor in fall of 2007. Holy Cow. That's both terrifying and exciting. Exciting because, woo hoo I'm almost done! Terrifying because I've reached the end of things that I can control in my quest to be a vet. Now we just cross our fingers and wait, yes? Please think good thoughts...

Facing the dilemma

I have a weird approach to Facebook. Apparently I'm an anomaly for not striving to have 1000 friends or more. I mean, on the one hand, it's really useful for contacting long lost friends. On the other hand, I've kept in touch with everyone from high school that I've wanted to keep in touch with.

On the one hand, I've reconnected with everyone that I studied abroad with. On the other hand, it seems that everyone who was ever in my sorority (ever) has sent me a friend request, and sometimes I don't remember them even after I've seen pictures and combed through the limited information they choose to post online. (Ugh.)

On the one hand, it's so easy to arrange get-togethers (Hi Jill!) On the other hand, everyone can see how intelligent (or unintelligent) you are. (Stupid Pathwords.)

I actually like putting real pictures on there, and putting status updates about what's really going on in my life. Stuff that I sort of only want my friends to know. Even if I remember your name from high school, and you send me a friend request, there's no guarantee that I'll accept it. I mean, if we exchanged two words throughout all the years we went to school together, why do I want you knowing that I suck at baking, I'm taking my dogs to daycare, or I hate my professor for not posting grades fast enough? And if you're a complete stranger? Forget it. I like to say that I need to be able to have a conversation with you before I'll "friend" you. If we haven't met face to face, chances are slim we're going to be Facebook friends.

But I currently find myself with a Facebook dilemma. And it has to do with one of the two people I've been trying to hunt down since I graduated from high school.

Let me back up. High school, for me, wasn't the cesspool of angst that it seems to have been for so many others. I mean, it was no joyride, and I struggled through all of the insecurities that plague every teenage girl... But on the flip side, I never really cared about being popular, I had great friends that I always had a great time with, and even though I had the most evil parents ever*, I managed to have enough fun to suit me by only breaking a couple of rules. In fact, in a recent discussion with my parents and another high school friend, my dad was teasing us for being nerds in high school. Yes. Yes we were. But it was still a fun experience. I can only remember being treated badly by one mean girl and being tormented by one group of upperclassmen when I was caught alone in the halls one day.

I know it wasn't like that for everyone. In fact, there was this guy. Let's call him Phil. And he was a nice guy. He was always on the fringes of my group of friends. I didn't know him very well, but if we had a class together, or the same lunch period, we always sat in the same group. He didn't have much social success in high school. If I had to guess, I'm going to guess that Phil wasn't treated in the best manner by all the kids we went to school with. Still, despite an inappropriate teenage-boy-hormone-fueled comment every now and then, he was not a disagreeable person from what I can remember. We even "went together" in the fourth grade or something like that. It's during that time that my grades were the best they ever were as we competed to see who could get the highest score.**

He asked me to my junior prom. I didn't have a boyfriend. No one else had asked me yet. I had no reason to say no. But I did. He worked up all of his courage, asked me in a rush of words after class the last day before Spring Break, and didn't make eye contact with me the entire time. Not even when I said that I would get back to him.

I didn't really want to go with him. During Spring Break, a close friend of mine, Rob, asked me to go, I said yes, and when I got back to school, I sat down with Phil and told him that I was going to go with someone else.

I completely regret that decision.

Oh, it's not that I didn't have a fabulous junior prom. I had a great date, we had a great time, there was a huge storm that knocked out power afterwards, so we were all in my parent's basement playing pool by candlelight. We stayed up talking into the night, and even now, I count Rob among my closest friends.

It's just that Rob could have found another date. And he still would have been at my parent's house afterwards. And Phil didn't go to the prom. Nor did he go to senior prom that I remember.

It hurts me to look back because I know how hard it was for Phil to ask me, and I so wish I would have gone with him. I know we would have had a good time - no one had a real date and dances were all about the group, and stupid group pictures in our dresses and suits, and hanging out at my parent's house afterwards - and I think that it might have made his high school experience a little bit better.

As I get older and have more experiences, I feel like I'm getting better at being the person I want to be. I feel like she was there in high school, but I just didn't have enough practice. Even though I tried my best, and I don't regret much, that prom is one thing that bugs me.

And now Phil is on Facebook.

And I've always wondered how he's doing. I've always wanted to catch up and know what he did with his life. As smart as he was, he had the same procrastination issue that I've always had, and I would love to know what career he ended up in, whether or not he got married, had children, etc.

But I'm a big fat wimp, so I won't friend him. I feel like he'll see my friend request and think evil thoughts about me while he hits "Ignore." Maybe that's just my own guilt, but it's enough that it's keeping me from even sending a message to say hi. What do you guys think? Send me a message or just let it go? I don't suppose there's any chance at all that he's completely forgotten about asking me to junior prom? Pretty please?

*To be fair, I only had an evil mother. And I was a terrible teenager.
**Look how cute we were! Getting good grades for fun!***
***Looking back, I wonder if he didn't let me win every now and then.