Inspiration

Another "blogger"* friend of mine just posted after a bit of a hiatus, so I was inspired to update as well, if only to get down some perspectives on the second year of vet school.

For those of you keeping track, there are four years of vet school total. I am currently 25% veterinarian. At the end of this year, I'll be 50% veterinarian and next year (God willing) I'll be performing surgeries (under strict supervision, of course.)

Holy. Stinking. Crap.

This year has started off completely differently than the last. I'm four weeks in and I just feel like I have a better outlook overall. I think I spent a lot of last year overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the sheer amount of material that I was supposed to cram into my brain. Overwhelmed because my brain hadn't had to work really hard in... oh... ever. Overwhelmed because, "what is this "study" thing of which you speak?" Overwhelmed because vet school is so very much like high school and I promised myself after I left my first "real" job that I would never ever go back to that sort of situation. Overwhelmed because I missed my friends. Overwhelmed because I had been in the "real world" for over 10 years, and this? was anything but. 

This year I've been more proactive. I find the material a bit more interesting, so I'm more engaged. I'm keeping up on studying (and totally impressing the boy with my diligence) and making sure to make flashcards so that my old brain gets the repetition that it needs. I've got my friends in vet school, and while it's still like high school, I'm now comfortable navigating the parts I like and completely avoiding the parts I don't.

And, as a side note, after a brief stint in the hospital last semester and the amazing support and assistance that I received from the faculty, I feel like I have friends in the school that are rooting for me and supporting me through every step. That feeling can't really be discounted, you know?

We haven't had our first test yet, so you might want to check back in with me after September 26th. But this year? I feel like I've found my groove. To clarify, "groove" does not mean "Emily will be on the Dean's list." "Groove" means that I'll be able to balance my life and school without living in constant stress and misery like last year.

Keep your fingers crossed :-)

*I use the term loosely (but with love.)

Wherein I am as delighted as a 5-year-old

I am exhausted today. I feel as though I could sleep for 1000 years if only given a chance.

I'm sure it's no coincidence that I have an organic test tonight.

But I did have a very productive weekend this weekend.

That doesn't mean I spent a lot of time studying...oh no. But I sure did spend a lot of time doing other things that needed to be done. Like sweeping and mopping the entire house. Like quickly cleaning the bathroom. Like walking the dog for hours. Like laundry. Like various female grooming habits that have been ignored as of late.

And THEN, when I couldn't find one more thing that I had on my to-do list before studying, I took a nap.

Believe you me, I needed it. Because then I studied organic chemistry for five hours straight. I discussed it with a friend. I drew mechanisms. I read my notes.

I still don't feel the slightest bit prepared for the test tonight. FYI.

It's okay, though. I feel....at peace. I've done what I can do.

Besides, my friend? The one I studied with for five straight hours? The brilliant friend who got a 91 on the last organic chem test? (Which I didn't even think was possible.) She has a rabbit. Among other animals, because, you know, she wants to be a vet. Like me. Except she has a house. And lots of animals. And....a bunny. And when I went over there on Saturday, there was a bunny just hopping around the living room....interacting with the cats and the people like, "What? It is totally ordinary that I am here."

I was ridiculously geeked about the bunny. I believe my first sentence was "You live with the EASTER BUNNY!!!"

My friend quickly learned that my happiness is on par with a five-year-old when I'm really really excited about something. A fact that the boy reiterated the next day. Because the next day when he came over, I believe the first words out of my mouth were about the bunny and I didn't stop talking about it until he agreed to go over and MEET the bunny.

This song came up a few times.*

Alas, I did not take a picture of the bunny. (Shameful, I know.) But have no doubt that I will. There is still a final to study for. And the bunny? Well he makes the studying all that much more enticing.

Until then, I will just keep repeating, "I do not need a rabbit. I do not need a rabbit. I do not have TIME for a rabbit. I can not have a rabbit." You know, even though my friend keeps informing me that foster homes are always needed. (I could be a foster bunny mom!!)

Oh dear.

*What? I totally watch Veggietales. You have to ask yourself, why don't YOU?

Drowning

So I studied all last weekend and then Monday and Tuesday nights for an ochem quiz that I had yesterday. When I got the quiz, everything looked familiar and I was thrilled that it didn't look like Chinese to me. I methodically worked through the problems and felt okay about the quiz...

...until the professor put the answers on the board.

People, I'll be lucky if I got a 50% on that stupid quiz. And I have a test over the same material on Monday.

Tomorrow is the last day to drop out of classes with a W instead of a grade.

All I can think is that I don't want to be in school anymore.

I mean, I know I want to be a vet. I get that. What I'm tired of is feeling dumb. I'm tired of questioning whether or not this whole "I'm an intelligent person" idea that I have is based less on fact and more on self-delusion. I'm tired of not having any free time. I'm tired of putting all of this effort into a class that I won't use ever again EVER and getting such little return. Most of all I'm frustrated. I hate that I can't do this. I hate that I'm drowning under work and school when I'm supposed to be able to handle anything.

I hate that organic chemistry has shattered my confidence.

Because vet school? Very competitive. And my GPA? Can't handle another C in chemistry.

The boy suggested taking a semester off. But if I was going to take a semester off, this should have been it. I mean, summer is coming after this, and that's usually enough of a recharge to get me back on the saddle in August. And if I take the fall semester off this year? Do I really want to delay my application to vet school again? (Answer: no.)

Z asked me if I was willing to do this for five more years. No. No I'm not. But I don't have to. Once If I get into vet school, it would be school full time. OMG I dream about this. It's like my crack. Forty hours more per week with which I could study? Classes that are relevant to what I want to do with my life? Done! Sign me up right now.

Only, I have to get through this part to get to that part. And right now, all I can think is that I don't want to do this anymore.

So I'm sending out an SOS. Help a girl out. Remind me that I can do this. Remind me why I should. Because right now? I can't remember on my own. All I can think is that I don't want to keep getting kicked when I'm down. I don't want to keep putting all this effort into something and barely getting by. Who, in their right mind, would sign up for this torture? All I can think is that I don't want to be in school anymore.

And tomorrow is my last day to make that decision.

The Death of Me

Have I mentioned my brilliant idea for parental holiday gift giving this year? No? Pity. Because now it can't happen, and the universe hates me and organic chemistry is the root of all evil in existence.

Okay, not really.

But sorta.

Finals week is December 14-19. Since I take night classes, my finals fell on the evening of December 15th and the evening of December 16th. On the one hand - suck! Because I have less than two weeks to prepare. On the other hand - wheeeee! I'll be done early and have more time to enjoy the Christmas holiday.

When I was last in my hometown, not visiting my old band instructor, I was discussing the boy and the paradox that is his incredible ability to clean things meticulously coupled with the complete lack of any cleaning in his own apartment. When I was telling my story, my dad laughed and said, "Well, he can come and clean here anytime."

Which got me to thinking...

The boy hasn't seen my parents in a really long time. To be fair, I generally don't insist that he accompany me on trips to my hometown. This is for several reasons. A) His sanity. B) My sanity. C) My hometown isn't all that exciting and there isn't much to do. D) If I'm planning on hanging out with single girlfriends, the boy would be unhappy if I mandated his attendance. E) He uses those weekends to go camping and I'm happy that he doesn't insist that I go with him and F) If he doesn't go, he always has dinner for me when I get back to Indy. But still. I know he likes my parents. I like my parents. I like the boy. The boy likes me. My parents like me. They like the boy. Seems as though we should all get together soon.

Since I skipped out on Thanksgiving, there was no opportunity for the boy to see my family then. And since he has his own family to see, going to my parent's house for Christmas is out of the question as well.

And so I cooked up this plan. Emily + the boy + short on cash = cleaning my parent's house for Christmas as their Christmas gift from "us."

My mother was elated with this plan. She couldn't stop talking about it and asking what, exactly, we would do for her (just leave us a list, mom) and asking if we do woodwork (?!). The boy? For his part, he thought it was a great idea also. We visit for a weekend, spend Saturday cleaning, hang with the parents, eat real stove-cooked food (for a change,) and spread Christmas cheer. Everybody wins. (Plus, I totally downloaded the newest Stephen King book in audio form so even the DRIVE DOWN will be fantastic.)

So we made plans to drive to my hometown the weekend before Christmas. Done and done.

But then I got this email:
__________________________
The exam key has been posted in the Resources folder.
---- The best answer for the box problem reacting 2 equivalents of HBr+peroxide+heat with the cyclohexylacetylene is NOT drawn. The two bromines should be both on the primary carbon (anti-Markovnikov). We have decided to accept both the drawn answer and the best answer. If your paper has an orange correction reducing your score from 3 to 1 for this problem, bring it to me in class or at office hours and I will give you back 2 points.

The final two electronic problem sets were posted yesterday. The first is due Monday (12/7) and the second a week from Monday (12/14).

Finally, and most importantly, the registrar has begun combining both sections to a common C341 Final Exam time this semester. As the registrar has set the time, we must use it. So, the C341 Final will occur in the Lecture Hall on December 19 at 8 am. This time is different than the time for single section classes that was used on the syllabus.

To repeat: the C341 Final Exam will occur in the Lecture Hall on December 19 at 8 am. Please pass the word.
__________________________

I'm sure it's no surprise if I tell you that the email above was sent by my organic chemistry professor.

I'm also sure it will come as no surprise that I was irate. IRATE. And there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Seriously, do the powers that be WANT me to drop this class? Is this a sign that ochem really is a "weeding out" class and I'm just a weed? Because the urge to go into my professor's office, loudly explain my anger, and then drop the class is almost overwhelming. Is there no end to the misery that this class can bring into my life? Maybe it really will be the death of me?

I knew I had to tell my parents about this immediately as it definitely changes our plans for visiting. However, in order to not shock them out of thinking I am the delicate flower I'm sure they think I am, I called the boy first. And let loose a string of profanity that melted the phone and left the boy frightened for my professor's very soul.

Only then did I call my parents. When my father answered, I told him, "Dad! It's your lucky day!! This is angry-Emily calling and she's a joy to be around. However, I already called the boy and got out all the profanity, so all you get are the tears."

The last phrase trailed off into a wail.

My dad replied calmly, "What's the matter?"

"Myprofessormovedtheorganicchemistryfinalandnowit'sDecember19thateightamwhichmeansIcan'tcomeandclean"

That was said at a decibel that made Casey's ears perk up. My father then did what any loving and supporting father would do.

He started laughing.

I was indignant. "DAD! This is terrible! It isn't funny!!"

He stifled his laughter. "I understand. But if it isn't funny, it's something pretty close to it."

After a day to consider, I have to disagree with him. Still not funny. But at least I gained a tiny bit of perspective. I now have three more days to study so that when I DO take the final (that's worth 38% of my grade) I can kill it. Kill it dead. And then go clean my parents' house like it's never been cleaned before.

Pray for me.

Why I'm not posting today

I'm not writing a blog post today because it would be all angsty and whiny. All full of things like "organic chemistry sucks" and "My God WHY?!" And when I get angsty and whiny I tend to get all melodramatic and say things like, "You think childbirth is difficult? Try organic chemistry." And, you know, people who have actually HAD children tend to get upset with me.* Even though they probably already know me and know that I don't actually BELIEVE what I said.... I'm just full of "woe is me" and "life, as I know it, is about to end" and "OMG HOW STUPID CAN I BE?!"

This is the stuff that the boy tends to tune out. All the melodrama. You have to sort through all of that to find the root cause of why I'm upset and whether or not it's enough to set off real alarm bells. And if you don't have experience maneuvering this minefield, you might become disoriented by the lamenting and wailing. And the whining and the complaining.

This would be why I'm not posting today.

Because if I WERE posting, I would say things like, "Test scores should not be numbers that can be found on the face of a clock." And things like, "I just don't GET why I'm having so much difficulty with this stupid class [ochem] when I can learn new things about QUANTUM PHYSICS and have no problem comprehending them," or "Perhaps people would have an easier time with this class if it wasn't taught by Satan himself," or "You know, I totally SHOULD take advantage of your office hours, Mr. Professor. Why didn't I think of that myself? What a great suggestion! Tell me, what hours do you have between 5:00 and 9:00pm during the week?? On weekends?"

But I would also offer evidence to the depth of my pain. Like how the boy sent me a text last night that simply said "I love you" and called me this morning at 8:30am. This may not be a big deal to you, but please note that communication initiated by him is generally limited to 1:45pm on Fridays and only because I have programmed a reminder in his cell phone that pops up with "Tell Emily that you love her" each week at that time.**

And since both of those kind gestures from the boy occurred after the sad, sobbing phone call that we had last night wherein I shared my latest o-chem test grade (that actually can be found on the face of a digital clock...and not a number near the turn of the hour, either) they pretty much mean that I'm on the boy's radar under "suicide watch."

But it's not really that bad, right? Because I can see a glimmer of humor in studying for hours and creating your own study guide, only to come out of a test with a grade that's close to your waist size. At least it's the pre-ten pound weight-loss waist size, right?

I mean, really - if it's a choice between laughing and crying? I choose laughing. Like when people tell me motivational stories about how other people passed o-chem with grades that start with an "A" or "B" so I should never settle because it's definitely possible!!! That's motivating, right? Right?! Those stories are particularly uplifting when they come from your mother.

And so, since there are people out there who are actually going through difficult challenges in their life, and people who really do need the help and support of the internet, I'm not posting. Nope.

I'm just going to remind myself that 31-year-old women do not cry over test grades. We save our tears for important things. Like Hallmark movies with names like "A Dog Named Christmas."***

*In my defense, my friend Jess actually had a baby WHILE TAKING organic chemistry. She said it was the most difficult thing ever. That would be why she's in organic chemistry again with me this semester. So see, she succeeded with having the baby, and failed organic chemistry. That should tell you something.

**True story. It works too.

***Sadly, yet another true story.

Why I was late for work today

I got up this morning to the fantastic sight of cat regurgitation on my spot on the couch.

This is certainly not the first time I've awoken to cat regurgitation. But it IS the first time my cat has decided to say "F you" by puking in my couch spot. It's not like that's the ONLY place on the couch that I sit, but it's the spot for optimal TV viewing and laptop using as opposed to optimal lighting for reading. And since I'm in school, let's face it, there's a lot more formal report writing (and mindless TV watching) when I'm at home than there is reading for pleasure. (Side note: Has anyone else noticed the HORRIBLE acting on SVU?)

So my spot. Cat puke. I curse Laney's name, make a mental note to clean it up once I've showered (and the heat has had a chance to make my house less like a refrigerator) and I head off to begin my morning routine.

Can I just mention one thing? The one advantage to living in my very old and tiny living space is the heat. The place is tiny, so once the heat is on it takes approximately 40 seconds to make the place comfortably warm. Fifty seconds to uncomfortably warm, but we don't think about that because in the mornings? There's no such thing. Also, there is a heating vent in my bathroom that takes up approximately 20% of the available floor space. You would think this is an inconvenient thing, but it's not. It's a fabulous thing. What I do is leave the heat very very low at night and snuggle under the covers with a warm puppy. When I wake up, I turn on the heat to about 75 first thing and then jump into the shower. Turning on the heat ensures two things, A) the hot water is SCALDING - just the way I like it and B) the bathroom is a veritable sauna when I step out of the shower. Bliss. In fact, even after you dry off, you can stand over the heating vent in the bathroom (that is fortuitously located immediately above the actual heating unit) and just be warm warm warm.*

Add this routine to the happiness that I already felt because it's Friday (and I don't have to be at work until EIGHT AM!! EIGHT!!! A whole HOUR later than normal!!!!) and I was a happy happy girl once I was dressed, clean and warm. I let Casey outside and decided to check the weather before I committed fully to my outfit for the day.

Another tangent to mention is that I HAZ INNERNETZ IN MY HOUZ!!!! My cheap ass, broke down and went with AT&T for their DSL that is $19.95/month.** (Shameless plug for AT&T! They are not paying me for this endorsement, I am just grateful to have teh innernetz in my house through an entirely painless process even though I don't have a home phone!!) So now? I can respond to emails in the evenings and on weekends! I can watch my tv shows online! I! Can! Check! The! Weather!!!

So I plopped myself down in front of my laptop to check out weather.com.

Right on top of cat puke.

The stream of words that came out of my mouth were NOT words that my mother taught me. Trust. I took off my khaki's, looked at the stain on the butt, looked at my couch, cursed some more and stalked off to find another suitable pair of pants to wear to work on "casual Friday."***

Miraculously, I found another pair of clean khakis. Miraculous because I pretty much LIVE in khakis these days, and laundry is reserved for time between study binges....so pretty much once every two months.

While I'm putting on my second pair of khakis for the day, I decide that the day is not shot. It's FRIDAY for Pete's sake. In fact, the miraculous clean khakis are a SIGN! FROM GOD! It will still be a good day. Sure I have an ochem test on Monday, but I feel reasonably prepared and will spend no less than 20 hours studying this weekend. Maybe I can even squeeze in a good long walk with Casey? In fact, I should go check the weather because I heard that it is going to be a pretty weekend.

So I head over to my laptop and plop myself in front of it to check weather.com.

Right on top of cat puke.

AGAIN!

It's at this point that I decide that I'm going to drink the emergency Coke Classic sitting in my fridge.**** For breakfast. Because really? Twice, Emily? In a span of five minutes?!

Welcome to my life folks. Let this be a warning to anyone else who thinks that taking ten hours of sciences while working full time is a good idea. You will end up sitting in cat puke multiple times as a result of your inability to keep a thought in your head for longer than two minutes.

*I just have to remember to turn the heat back down to "normal" before I leave for work. Total number of times that I've forgotten so far this year? Twice. Boo!!!

**Goodbye morning latte. I'll miss you.

***I'm omitting the part where I possibly briefly considered just wiping off the khakis and wearing them anyway. Because who would think that? Not this girl.

****This post may or not be a result of the high levels of caffeine and sugar running through my veins at this very moment. Please excuse me now, I have to go run laps around my office building for a while.

Since I'm apparently in the sharing mood...

...go check out this article. I don't think I could have said it any better. And if you feel you have enough time on your hands, read her previous article as well. In doing the research for her first article, the author gained the knowledge about pit bulls that she shared in her second article.

It's almost perfectly how I feel about owning Casey. And how I wish many pit bull advocates would think. Because the crazies? They're out there. And unfortunately some of them are pit bull "advocates." And they scare me.

Speaking of Casey, (we were, right?) she's having an attack of allergies that is making her miserable. It happens every spring, but this year it's worse and has lasted longer than usual. Cross your fingers with me, won't you, that the cortizone injection coming her way (the SECOND cortizone injection) works to make her feel better so that mom won't be hit with having to do blood work on her dog-ter and potentially spend money she doesn't have to cure some obscure skin condition...

Yes, happy times at our house these days. If someone could go ahead and make 36 hour days, that would be FANTASTIC. Anyone? Bueller?

While you're at it, if you want to go ahead and clean my house so that I'm not embarrassed when someone makes the perfectly normal request to use the restroom when they're over, that would be fabulous as well.

Oh, and while you're doing things for me, can you go ahead and suggest to the boy that after Emily mentions that she's been studying one particular topic all day long and just had a breakthrough that enables her to understand it, he should not say, after a long thoughtful pause, "My worry is that you're not being efficient in your studying." That might (MIGHT) set off a nuclear explosion the likes of which he's never before seen.

Pinching Pennies

It's official. I've become too cheap for Target.

It was a startling revelation that I came face-to-face with today, and it's devastating because I *heart* Target. I really really do. And I refuse (absolutely REFUSE) to sell my soul to the soulless unethical devil that is Wal-Mart.* So what does that leave me? Dollar Store? Is this what my life has become?

It happened so gradually that I didn't even notice. While I've always had a debilitating fear of debt, I've not always been miserly. It began when IUPUI made their monthly tuition payment plan into four monthly payments instead of five. I realize that it all evens out in the end, but during?? Ugh. It's like two and a half car payments a month. (Four if you own a Kia.) December can't come soon enough. Maybe I'll eat something other than Ramen Noodles to celebrate.

How bad is it? For your consideration:

Exhibit A: When we were facing weeks with high temperatures in the 40's and 50's, I refused to turn on the heat in my house. I rationalized that I was only there approximately 9 hours per day - 7 of which are spent sleeping in flannel pjs with flannel sheets with the other 2 spent on the couch underneath two or three furry mammals. (I will point out that during that time, the dogs had a space heater that the cat would sleep next to. I guess we all know who's more important in this story.)

Exhibit B: I was ecstatic to find $1 hand soap at CVS the other day. That ecstacy has subsided since I found out that $1 hand soap is more like a 70/30 water to soap ratio. Apparently that's why it comes in such a big bottle. Still, I can't say I wouldn't buy it again.

Exhibit C: The boy told me that he ran out of shampoo two weeks ago, and has been too lazy to go to the store. So he's been using regular soap to wash his hair, "which actually works pretty well." I briefly considered it. I wish I were kidding.**

Exhibit D: I always said that the two things that I would not penny-pinch on were paper towels and toilet paper (none of this 1-ply tissue paper, thankyouverymuch.) I've since given in on the paper towels, and after seeing the dramatic price difference between "my" toilet paper and the sandpaper that I would normally never consider, my resolve is wavering.

Exhibit E: I currently have two AAA batteries that work in my house. They are being rotated between whatever remote controls I need to work the electronic equipment I feel necessary to complete my life at the time. The batteries also travel from room to room if I decide I want to watch a DVD in bed. If a remote requires AA batteries, I just don't use it. I throw stuffed animals at the buttons on the electronic equipment instead.

Exhibit F: Three weeks ago when cleaning my toilet, I was suddenly appalled by the state of my toilet scrub brush and threw it away. (Translation, the wire part rusted through and broke off in the toilet.) The following week when I went to clean, I was, of course, surprised by my lack of toilet scrub brush. Since then, my toilet has been disinfected three times but not scrubbed... and I'm starting to think that's okay.

CLEARLY something has to be done.

Now, I won't lie. This miserliness is a combination of not having money and being too lazy to use my free time to go places where I would spend the money that the nice people at Visa lend me. I think it was the unscrubbed toilet that pushed me over the edge, but last week I decided that the next free time I had would be spent being un-miserly. I had a huge b*tch of an organic chem test yesterday, but I promised myself that once that test passed, I would run to Target and purchase everything that I was missing in my life, including good paper towels.***

Last Thursday, my cousin sent me a delightful surprise that deserves its own blog post. As soon as I can get the boy to snap my picture with the delightful surprise, you'll hear all about it. As a result, I began searching Indianapolis for more of this delightful surprise that I had previously not known existed. I wanted some more so that I could share with the boy and not get into fist fights when he tried to take some without asking. Unfortunately, they were nowhere to be found in all my usual haunts.****

Today? Today I fulfilled my promise to myself and purchased batteries, good paper towels, a toilet scrub brush and various other necessities at Target. (I kept myself away from the dog Halloween costumes - I'm not a complete idiot.) While wandering the aisles of my beloved Target, I FOUND MY DELIGHTFUL SURPRISE!!! Which made me wonder when the last time was that I was in Target....and I couldn't remember. This was immediately followed by the thought, "Well of course I haven't been to a Target in a while. Target is a NICE store."

And I was horrified because while I heart Target, the term "nice store" is generally reserved for a store that I can't afford. Which made me decide that penny pinching on this level is ridiculous, because I can afford Target.

And then I looked at my bank account again.

Damn tuition.

Sniff. It's not you, Target. It's me. It's just that I can't leave your premises without spending under $100.00 - it's physically not possible. It's just that CVS is closer and has Extra Care bucks that make things that I purchase cheaper. (Not to mention the money they gave me to transfer my prescription...and $1 hand soap.) It's just that crappy paper towels are also available at the grocery store with the cheaper dog food, and that saves me a trip, which saves gas. We've all got to make sacrifices. It's a tough economy. I just need a break. I promise I'll be back in December and then again in the summer when tuition payments aren't making my house as cold as a refrigerator.*****

But... I'm easy, you know. If you lower your costs on Purina One (Chicken and Rice flavor - this part is VERY important) we can probably work something out. Call me!

*Absolutely no judgement if you shop there. Promise.

**I ended up enabling his laziness buy buying shampoo FOR him because although his hair smelled really clean, I couldn't bear the thought of someone not using shampoo.

***This gave me something to look forward to while studying. Again, I wish I were kidding.

****Remember the use of the word "haunts" there. It's cracking me up. It will make much more sense to you when you find out what the delightful surprise was.

*****Of course, tuition payments are also responsible for the new game, "How many stuffed animals until the TV turns on" so it's not ALL bad. Blue LOVED this game, and sometimes his tail would turn the TV on for me.

Back to Center

First things first. I did NOT speak to my Favorite Band Director this past weekend. I have no idea why except that when I saw him from afar, I said something like, "He looks so different!" and my friend responded with, "Of course, Emily, it's been 13 years."

Thirteen years. Thirteen YEARS. Something about that freaked the HECK out of me. Mr. Favorite Band director joined his family after the marching band performance (that was AWESOME, btw. First time to semi-state EVER. Go Central Bears!!) and had a nine-year-old daughter and a four-year-old son. Holy crap!

And so I froze. Like a deer in headlights. (Or probably more like a creepy stalker since I kept staring at him from a distance but refused to budge from my seat.) When it was time to leave the competition, I came to my senses and ran all over the place trying to find Mr. Favorite Band Director for a few moments of conversation, but alas, it was not to be. Serves me right. Maybe next time I won't be such an ex-band-geek wimp.

In case you can't infer from the above information, it was a fantastic weekend. Notwithstanding my "creepy stalker" moment, I had so much fun relaxing with my friends, hanging out with my dad, reliving high school memories, and having a much needed heart-to-heart girl chat. In fact, it was such a GOOD weekend, that it was very very difficult and depressing to come back to real life.

Because you know how sometimes you just put your head down and power through things? And sometimes you just get into such a rhythm of powering through that you don't really realize how things are? Like you sort of know that things are difficult and they suck, but you don't really realize because what's the point of focusing on that when you don't have a choice but to just get through it? But then you have a great relaxing weekend where for just two days a load is lifted off your shoulders? After that happens, the stark contrast between "fabulous" and "your real life" is sometimes overwhelming. And that's what happened to me on Sunday.

It's like on the drive home, all I could hear was my organic textbook calling me, "Hi Emily! Remember how you have to read two more chapters before the test next week and how you have homework due on Friday that you didn't do this weekend while you were "relaxing?" Oh, and don't forget about how the lectures in class lately have sounded like a foreign language." Or my physics notes beckoning, "Yo Em! I know you're much stronger in this class than you are in o-chem, and have thus been treating me like a red-headed step child. But if you're honest with yourself, you've been completing the last couple of homework assignments without really understanding them, capisce? That might prove to be a problem next week on that test you have. You know... the one two days after the o-chem test? Way to go on wasting this entire weekend!"

But the thing is, this weekend wasn't wasted. I needed it. I needed my friend to ask me how I was doing and to poke and prod after I said, "fine." I needed to see my dad and see how happy he was to have Blue back. I needed to see how happy my friend is with her boyfriend and squeal over how she's going to get engaged, and soon!

But now it's back to the daily grind. Because what choice do I really have but to put my head down and just power through? This, too, shall pass. Only this time, I was kinder to myself and took Monday as a "mental health day" when I slept, slept and transitioned slowly into doing homework to get a tiny bit ahead of where I was on Sunday night. This still means that I have things to accomplish every night after class... and two tests to study for this weekend. But at least now I feel like I can face all that again instead of feeling like I want to hide under the covers.

So yes, this too shall pass. I just hope it passes really really quickly. (On the bright side, at least I know I made one good decision this year.)

Dependency

I know - you thought I had abandoned you, right? Fear not. I have not abandoned you, nor have I abandoned this blog. I have about five posts sitting in drafts right now that I can't seem to fully flesh out into something that can see the light of day*, but I'm working on it - promise.

So in the meantime, I thought I would share a little rant with you. Just a tiny one because I miraculously woke up in a fantastic mood this morning. Miraculous because today begins school again, in honor of which I have shifted my work hours from 8-5 to 7-4.

In case you can't do the math, that means I have to get up a whole hour earlier than usual. And we all know how much I love mornings.**

So today begins classes. It is Wednesday, so I should have o-chem lecture followed by o-chem lab. Yesterday I found out that I did not have lab until next week. That was a happy moment. But for the last two weeks, I have been stalking the o-chem website for some information on the course schedule, syllabus, notes....anything. At first it was just casual curiosity. I mean, I would rather be prepared than caught without notes on day one. But as the students invaded the chat room on said website, some of whom are taking o-chem for the second or third time, and planned a study group that begins after the first class I began to get nervous. I mean, don't get me wrong...I have faith in my intelligence. But I'm also not immune to mass hysteria. The reputation for o-chem preceeds the class. It's tough. And if everyone else is already freaking out....well....

So I look for a syllabus. Some notes. A schedule. Something to prepare me for the first day of class.

And it appears....today. At 1:06pm to be exact. For a class that begins at 6:00pm.

And these lecture notes...they're not small documents. I would say they average 40 pages with the largest being 56 pages. Fifty-six pages! And the first lecture dives right into the material. Oh, and the syllabus suggests that to succeed in class, I should read the material ahead of time.

Okay. I'll do that in the, um....hour I have before class. Thanks Mr. Professor, sir!

Now, I realize that I am not a traditional student. I truly do. And I realize most full time students might have time between lunch and their evening class to do the required reading. But I still think that this timeframe is a little short. I mean, I believe that professors begin their school year before the students, right? And I know they're busy people, but part of preparing for their classes is informing the students of what's going on in that class, right? I mean, my first tuition bill was due the 18th... Is it too much to ask that when I pay tuition I have access to my course information?

I'm just so frustrated. I could go on and on.

To his credit, now that one thing is available, everything for the class is available. So I can work ahead to my heart's content. But I just feel like this weekend I will be playing catch up doing the reading for the material that we will cover tonight, instead of being able to read ahead. Again with the non-traditional student, but with classes M-Th evenings, I only have so many hours in which to study.

I guess I should read instead of blog, huh? Okay okay, point taken. Any chance one of you is an organic chem tutor on the side?

*Must work on the snark. The snark, it is heavy in those drafts.

**Personally, I think the iced vanilla latte did a lot for my mood this morning. And I may have stumbled in at 7:10am. Sigh. I'll aim for better tomorrow. I have all semester to perfect the early work arrival.

Blargh

So, I had another physics test last night and an interesting topic that I had explored briefly in the past reared it's ugly head again. Last time I mentioned that while I was overjoyed about my test score, I didn't say a word about it until I got into my car and could call my friends. It was just an offhand comment, but it was brought up in my book club later that week.

I was asked why I was ashamed of my performance, and how I would have to work on being more proud of my accomplishments. I tried to explain why I kept quiet in class (basically, I didn't want to make anyone feel badly about how they had scored) and I thought about it more that night when I went home. In my mind, I was no way ashamed of my performance (as evidenced by my blog the next day.) I just wanted to be sure that I was crowing to my friends who could be genuinely be happy for me, instead of irritating others who may not have scored as well as I have. I mean, I've been there too...when you don't get quite the score you were hoping for, and you really really really want to be happy for your friend who did well, but there's that tiny part of you that just wants them to shut up because you hate them and their high score. Bringing up that feeling in others, that's what I wanted to avoid.

And last night my feelings on the matter were enforced.

I don't feel good about the test last night at all. I mean, I don't think I failed like F failed, but I'm super nervous about it and probably won't stop obsessing about one stupid problem that I missed until I freaking get my test back on Monday. (four long days away.)

I have a good friend in the class, Jess, and we were going through a post test debrief during the lecture following the exam. (Yes, the professor lectures for 90 minutes following each exam. Seriously. It's like torture for your brain that has been reduced to mush. Ugh.) She's the one who enlightened me on the problem that I missed. I told her I had trouble on it, she told me how she did the problem, I realized she was correct, and I was obsessing musing on how many other problems I probably only got partial credit on and how that was going to turn out for me overall. My brain was obviously fully occupied with these obsessions thoughts and I was responding to Jess mechanically as she asked me questions about the other problems that she had trouble with and how I answered them. She obviously knew I was distracted and upset, so after we were done going through the eight questions she said, "It will be fine. You're fine. I mean, how did you do on the last test? Seriously. I don't think I ever asked?"

On autopilot, I answered, "an 81%."

She said, "What?!" Which immediately brought me back to reality.

"Um, an 81%." I said a bit more sheepishly.

"Oh my God! You are fine. You will be just fine. What are you even worried about? I can't believe you're worried if you got an 81% on the last test. Do you even know what I got?" [I didn't.] "You did so much better than I did...."

It went on and on. I have no doubt that she originally asked me the question in an effort to make me feel better about the big picture overall. And I'm sure she expected to comiserate with me about how we could still pass if we worked really hard. But the thing is, I don't want to just pass. I didn't come into this vet thing completely unprepared. I know how difficult it is to get into vet school, and I know (believe me, I know) that it's more competitive than med school. I know. So I can't just pass. I need A's. (I will grudgingly accept B's. I will not be happy at all about C's. Getting a C would be like failing to me. I never said I was easy on myself.)

And it's difficult to explain that to someone in the trenches with you. It's difficult to say that to you, missing one question on an eight question exam feels like the end of the world, because it already drops you down to a B, and that's if you got everything else perfectly correct (which, let's face it, you probably did not.) That doesn't really seem to matter. All the other person sees is that you got a much higher score on the last test, and for that it's easy to dismiss a bad score because it all evens out in the end. But me? I can't take that chance. I want the A that I'm working hard for. I DID do well on that last test, but that was the last test. I can't rest on that. I need to do well on this test, the next test and the final. I can't lose sight of that.

So when I get this test back, no matter what I got, I won't discuss it in class. If it's decent and I'm excited, I'll post here and have you guys be all exited for me so that I can be all proud and happy like I want to be. If it's horrible, I'll be sad and mopey and THEN you guys can tell me that it will be okay, and you'll all bring your animals to see me when I'm a veterinarian crazy dog lady with five cats.

Have I mentioned that I regularly question my sanity when I think about what made me decide on this path for my life?

Just put the dork stamp on my forehead and get it over with

I know I've been slacking on this whole blogging thing, and I'm sorry. I'm bored as hell and you can bet I've been trolling your blog (if you've got one) but I can't seem to think of anything to write about on mine. I must reiterate that boring life = boring blogging.

So I'm going to share some of my dorkiness with you, because it made me oh-so-happy one dreary day in physics class.

I have recently discovered that sitting in one of the chairs in the back of the lecture hall (you know, the chairs that have an "arm-desk" attached?) is far FAR more desirable than sitting in the actual seats of the lecture hall. In fact, I don't know why I don't have to fight off hoards of students when I get to class each week. As it is, it seems that only I realize the benefits of these chairs.

Sure, they're not padded like the lecture hall seats, and they're in the back, but dear GOD is there more space back there. I mean, I don't need much leg room (ahem, 60 inches tall, ahem) but even I'm cramped in those lecture hall seats. And forget about putting my backpack anywhere other than where my feet SHOULD be. Ugh.

Sooooooo... this past Wednesday, I was sitting in the back of the class, and my attention started to wander as the professor answered a question about something I already understood. I looked over at the dry erase board behind me and saw this: and it made me ridiculously happy.

So happy that I took a cell phone picture to share with the boy.

Who promptly called me a dork.

But at least he understood why I was ridiculously happy about it. Which is good, because it means I can still date him.*

Now I want to know how many of you get it. So leave me a comment and let me know. Be honest!!

*Okay, I probably wouldn't have left him if he didn't get the significance of this picture. But if I ever use "YOU MOCK MY PAIN!" or "Let me explain....no, is too much. Let me sum up." in conversation and he doesn't understand it, well that's just unforgivable.

Bane of My Existence

My life is back in the work/school/work/school continuum. This is sort of good for me, since there's some comfort in my routine. But it makes for some seriously boring blogging. Hence the mini-hiatus.

In fact, the highlight of last night was when I figured out what it was that was overloading the circuit that my microwave was plugged into. I never knew a thing about circuits and overloading before I moved into this house. Now? I knew there was something that kept killing the microwave mid-cook. The good news is that I only ruined one bag of microwave popcorn. The bad news is that after two hours of physics (plus), I wasn't exactly very rational or calm while trying to figure the mystery out. In fact, if my house wasn't so small, I would STILL be trying to figure out what the heck was going on. (It was the dog's space heater in the basement, btw. This particular circuit was only the fridge, the microwave, and the light and space heater in the basement. Which means I never saw anything else go off when the microwave died. Which was no small part in why I was going insane.)

So, see? With a life like this, what's to blog about. Oh wait, I know! Let's do a little quiz. How many of you guys recognize this?


(Just out of curiousity, did any of you involuntarily throw up in their mouth a little when you saw that? No? Just me?)

Okay. So then how many of you remember how to solve for above headache? (zlionsfan, you are not included in this quiz.) No? Have you blocked that out too? Let me remind you.



I hate that equation. Hate it. And I'm not even lacking in math skillz. I mean, I'm no MENSA member, but I can hold my own. I was good enough at math in high school that I remember being shocked that my SAT verbal was higher than my SAT math. Math is logical. Black and white. No shades of grey. I'm sure you're all shocked that it makes sense in my brain.

But I loathe this equation. It's become my nemesis. If this equation is involved, you can guarantee that I will have to work the problem at least twice, and that there will be much swearing, cursing, throwing of pillows and random name-calling. I may even use the Lord's name in vain a few times. (sorry mom.) When I'm working a problem involving the quadratic equation, the dogs hunker down next to me with their ears back and just lick my hands in sympathy when I finally ask them beseechingly if THEY know how to work the problem.

This issue may or may not have come to a head because my professor prefers to use the quadratic equation instead of using any other logical problem solving strategies that, you know, don't involve the bane of my existence. And so I've been working this problem and working this problem and working this problem....to no avail.

Although this post has helped some. I don't think I remembered to make "b" negative. I'm off to try again. Pray for me.

Expenses and Expensive Cars

Oh, I am fired up. FIRED UP my friends. Like, pacing around my office right now yelling about how people should be tied down while I let Blue nibble on their ears. (Only I'm using many more colorful descriptions of what should be done to them. I think my boss would be disturbed if my anger didn't make him laugh so hard he can't breathe.)

But I can't write about what is currently angering me.

Well, I COULD, but it has to do with our current education system and how it's basically so flawed that people who NEED an education can't afford one and people who are TRYING THEIR BEST to get one on their own can't manage unless they're making a six figure salary, and really, if you're making a six figure salary, why would you want to go back to school? Seriously? What masochist is going to be all, "Wow. I make a great living and I'm obviously completely happy because money buys happiness, so I think I'll go back to school to be miserable and stressed. Sure! Sign me up for that shit right now!"

You know, I would say that I have to be better about managing my money, but I really don't think I can scrape anymore out of my budget that's already straining more than my jeans after the gluttonous holiday season. Not to mention that I am currently out of creative ideas for how to keep myself entertained that cost less than $0.50. And don't even get me STARTED on ramen noodles. All of that on an income that would generally be considered a decent living. You know, if I didn't have to make monthly soul-sucking tuition payments. Grrrrr....

Obviously the new semester is set to begin and I have to buy my books. Nothing makes me angrier than paying the exorbitant prices for text books. Nothing. (Well, the boy sometimes does, but it's been a while so I've forgotten.)

(Oh wait, I thought of something else that makes me just as mad. It's when you park at the best possible parking space to go into Starbucks in the morning.* (you know the one, the one that is right in front of the door and right by the end of the curb?) It's obviously the best spot and you just happened to pull up when it was empty, so you're in a pretty good mood when you enter the store. And you're STILL in a good mood when you EXIT the store with your yummy Starbucks drink only to find that some asshole in their tiny, overpriced BMW has decided that there is just enough space for him to park his tiny penile overcompensation behind your car and only overhang the curb by four inches. Of course no one will hit him! He has a BMW! It is a VERY IMPRESSIVE CAR! Nevermind that in order to only overhang the curb by four inches, he had to park RIGHT ON YOUR BUMPER! And of course since you're a cautious driver, you had parked pretty close to the car in front of you so as to NOT overhang the curb in any way shape or form. So you must sit in your car and wait an extra five minutes until Mr. Small Penis comes out of Starbucks and removes his ostentatious toy from your car's ass. Yeah. That makes me mad too.)

Wow. I feel a lot better now. So I'm going to go home and walk my dogs and break the news to them that they are NOT, in fact, going to daycare like I promised. All because my physics textbook costs more than most car payments. (Yes, you read that right. I have physics this semester. Whoopee!!)

I was going to post my new years resolutions, but then I realized that my track record with resolutions is not so good, so why would I want to make my failure public? Instead I'll just say that I began the new year surrounded by friends, and I hope that's how I'll end it as well.

*A visit that is only possible because of the generosity of friends who give you Starbucks gift cards for Christmas. Thanks! I love you!!

Young Adult Fiction

So, contrary to popular opinion (including my own) I actually had the stress-free, relaxing weekend I was coveting. Dinner on Friday night was fabulous, and I highly recommend the restaurant. Great atmosphere, great food, and great drinks. On Saturday, I met an old friend for breakfast, volunteered until 3:00, and then went home and did not emerge (or shower) for the rest of the weekend.

The dogs got daycare on Friday and multiple things to chew throughout the weekend. They spent the bulk of their time curled up with me on the couch while I tore through this month's book club book... and the two subsequent books in the series.

Young Adult Fiction - 3. Homework - 0.

Apparently my love for brain candy knows no bounds.

On Sunday evening a friend called to see if I wanted to walk the dogs. I dragged myself off the couch, made myself presentable, and confirmed that I could, in fact, spend time with people and not be mopey. (It helped that there were plenty of deer to chase and that Casey got within three feet of one before it took off and left her in the dust.)

Update on the car to come. For now, I have massive studying to catch up on. I'm not letting myself even purchase book four until after my test on Thursday. Obviously, my commitment to memorizing human bones can not compete with my desire to find out what happens to Bella.

Joy

One day last winter, when Blue was still a newbie and skinny as a rail, the boy and I took Casey and Blue out to the tennis courts at the apartment complex and let them frolic in the fenced in area....in the snow. The sheer joy the showed while they pranced around, threw the snow in the air with their noses, and wrestled around on the ground until all you saw was a blur of blue and brown made me say, "This. This is why I have dogs."

I've been low on the willpower lately. I don't know if it's because all of my energy is focused on worrying about school, because it's getting cooler and my body is trying to enter hibernation mode (read: eat Qdoba 24/7), because tuition payments are sucking out my soul, or because I'm just worrying about school a lot (I'm sorry, did I list that twice? Hmmm.) but lately, if I want to watch football, I watch football. If I want to wear a sweatshirt to work, I wear a sweatshirt to work. (I think my boss is afraid to mention the sweatshirts.) Diet Coke? Psshhh. There is no "diet" in "stressed." If I want to have warm bodies to snuggle with in bed, I let the dogs sleep up with me. If I see juicy tasty dog treats that cost more than the food I'm buying myself, I buy them for the dogs. Apparently, if I am going to be stressed, I am going to use my dogs to bring me joy.

The dogs? They are getting spoiled. I don't think they mind being used.

There's a huge fenced in field near my house. "Fenced in" being the operative words there. It's part of Crown Hill Cemetery, and it contains tall grass, some dense woods, a huge wide open field, and (most importantly) an overabundance of deer. Now, pit bulls aren't like, say, beagles, or huskies. Pit bulls are pretty emotionally attached to their humans... So after a lecture about how I should trust my dogs more, I let them both off their leash and let them roam around the field. They didn't go far... until Blue spotted the deer. Immediately both dogs took off after the bouncing white tails. I would have been more frightened of losing my dogs if the scene hadn't been so hilarious. Neither Blue nor Casey is taller than maybe two feet from the ground, but while Casey is all legs, Blue is mostly muscle. The deer seemed to be as tall, if not taller, than I was...their backs, I mean. Their heads seemed like they would tower over me. Not to mention the antlers on some of them. Sheesh. There is no hunting in the cemetery, so these deer are BIG.

While Blue is moving his little legs as fast as he possibly can, the deer are getting further and further away from him. Still, he's running with a huge grin on his face and his tongue flapping in the wind. The deer disappeared into the woods, and without hesitation, Blue crashed in after them. At this point, even though I had lost sight of my dog, I could hear him crashing through sticks and leaves and in general being about the worst tracker he could be. He's not a graceful dog to begin with, so I could tell he was using the "run through obstacles" option instead of the "avoid obstacles" option.

Meanwhile, one deer had peeled itself from the group and veered away from the woods and back into the meadow. This is the one that Casey decided to pursue. Her legs are longer, and she's pretty agile, so it was awesome to watch her keep up with the deer as it zigged and zagged across the field. She never gained any ground, but she was definitely hanging in there. Eventually her deer went into the woods also, and she followed.

For a while, everything was quiet while I waited. I counted the seconds in my head to keep myself from freaking out. "...fifty-nine....sixty. It's only been a minute. Everything is fine. Sixty-one...sixty-two..."

Off in the distance, so small that they appeared to be no more than an inch tall, a deer appeared followed by a brown and white blur, then disappeared back into the woods. I paced and waited. After learning my lesson previously, I remained in the last place the dogs had seen me and waited for them to return.

Almost exactly five minutes after they had run off, both dogs appeared heading towards me from opposite directions. Casey was panting and bounding towards me. She almost barreled into me, but dodged at the last minute. On her return trip to me, she jumped up in the air to show me how much fun she had just had. She was almost saying, "Do it again mom! Bring the deer back again!!!" Blue, on the other hand, slowly walked towards me and fell over on his side as soon as he reached me. All I heard from him were snorting gasps while he attempted to catch his breath through the huge grin on his face. I could not stop laughing. For the rest of the walk, no leashes were needed since the dogs remained within twenty feet at all times.

Ever since that day, we've gone back to the field several times, and each time the routine is the same. Dogs see deer. Dogs chase deer. Dogs return exhilarated and exhausted. Emily is thrilled. (Though she's always careful NOT to let the dogs go if she sees fawns...) I've been trying to take pictures, but my camera is too slow....all you see are blurs :-) Lately, I think the deer are no longer frightened of Blue (who will never catch them, but NEVER fails to chase them if given the chance.) They will see him coming, wait until I'm sure they can see the whites of his eyes, and then run away. Poor Blue either doesn't understand that he has no chance, or simply doesn't care. I think it's the latter. To him, the running is worth it. Casey doesn't seem to be as driven. Sometimes she'll chase the deer. Other times she'll see them and it's almost like she thinks, "Meh. Not worth it."

I realize that it's an odd way to relieve stress, but desperate times call for desperate measures. The fact that I'm outside in the beautiful fall weather, coupled by the fact that this is cheap entertainment, coupled with the fact that I'm certain the dogs will never catch a deer...well, it's more fun than memorizing all the bones in the human body....

So what do you do to relieve stress? Any other cheap easy suggestions that may or may not involve dogs?

(Oh yes, and thanks for all of the suggestions for studying... I've made flash cards in the past with mixed results, so I'm trying them again. And I searched for online quizzes, but mostly found multiple choice options. What I need are "fill in the blank." Any other ideas to help memorization are greatly appreciated. As of now, I carry my flash cards everywhere. Yep. I'm pretty cool...)

A plea for help

I don't blog about serious stuff here. I try to make people laugh. I am a teller of stories. Hopefully those stories make you smile. Sometimes they should make you glad they didn't happen to you. Sometimes the stories are supposed to make you tell me how cute my dogs are. Sometimes I want to share the random exciting thing that happens in my life. Sometimes I just want to rant. But I try not to post about politics. (Sometimes I fail.)

Basically, I like to tell stories. I try to keep it lighthearted and sometimes sarcastic. (Though apparently I need to make the sarcasm a little bit more apparent. Hmmm.)

But today I need help. Seriously. Help.

I wasn't going to talk about this, but after commiserating with Ann I thought I would use this blog to A) let her know that she's not alone, and B) seriously see if there's something I haven't thought of to help myself out. I mean, you guys were good with suggestions for Tyson, maybe you can help me with this.

I have met my nemesis, and it is Biology. I have taken two tests and taken two ass beatings with the worst one happening yesterday evening when I left five fill-in-the-blank questions blank on a 35 question exam. The test yesterday followed a test a week prior that also did not go as well as hoped.

Total, I would say that I spent 30 hours studying for both tests. Um, that's on top of the 5 hours of class per week and the 40 hours of work per week. I'm not sure much more studying will fit. I know it's not the amount of studying, but the way you're studying, right? So help me.

Here's what I'm facing. I'm intelligent. I'm a problem solver. For all my difficulties with chemistry, I can handle chemistry. There are problems, I learn the concepts associated, I learn to solve the problems, I do well on the tests (providing I put in my study time.) The bonus to this is that I remember the concepts and can apply them to other situations later on. I learn by doing. By applying. I learned to knit from a website with pictures. I imitated the pictures and got the concept pretty quickly. But I have to DO. I have to apply. You can't tell Emily the college student about the great program that is Microsoft Access and show her examples of how it can be used. She won't get it at all. But put her in a work environment where Microsoft Access is USED, and she's all about using it for process improvements and efficiencies. In fact, if you put her in a NEW job where there is no Access, she can immediately see how much Access could help out and implement it successfully. (true story, btw)

Biology is all about the memorization, and people, I am sucking it up at the memorization. Seriously. I read my biology chapter and it all makes perfect sense. I get it. I'm down wit' dat. I understand the concept of evolution, I understand the concept of classifying organisms into classes and phylums and how they're all related. But ask me the phylum of a spider? Um... An example of a porifera? Um...

And, seriously, I read all of that crap. Not only that, but in my study group we discussed at length how all the concepts tie into each other. I can now recite to you exactly how the life cycle of a protozoa goes. I can tell you how the protozoa that causes malaria is both sexual and asexual. I can apply that. But the name of the phylum that contains that protozoa? Um...

And folks, I read the material. I copied my notes into a different format. In desperation, I typed my notes on the computer. We discuss the concepts out loud when we study. But do I remember what the three structures of a sponge are called? Well, right now I do. (asconoid, sychonoid, and leucanoid) In a fill in the blank test? Not so much. Do I know the phylum that contains the earthworm? Yes. But since it's sheer memorization (and I managed to retain that piece of information) if he asks me to apply it, I'm at a loss.

So... memorization techniques? Ways to help me maximize my study time? Help me! Seriously! With a class where there are concepts to learn and problems to solve, I know how to study. In a world where I have to memorize huge amounts of information (when in real life Google is a girl's best friend) I'm failing, I have no idea how to do better. Seriously - as a student who never had to struggle much with school, I'm starting to get a complex...along with this annoying tic in my left eye. :-)

The next lab exam is over the skeletal system (not just the bones, but the different PARTS of the bones for God's sake.) That's complete memorization. It's not like I can figure out a formula to help me determine the name of the bones he chooses to test us on. Seriously. HELP ME! I beg you. Casey and Blue beg you. Help save their mom's sanity....

Like a mole, I tell you.

There was a graduation song that had the advise "Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone." After my issues with knee pain brought on by a golfer running late, I understood.

Now, I think it should be edited to read, "Be kind to your eyes. You'll be blind as a bat if you don't. Oh, and wear your damn glasses."

After about a week of studying during every free minute (with a brief hiatus to celebrate my brother's birthday - Happy 25th, little bro - and to have the best dinner out EVER with old friends) I officially can't see. I mean, the can't-read-street-signs-until-I'm-on-top-of-them, bright-lights-have-halos, forget-about-the-projector-in-the-lecture-hall kind of can't see.

Yes, I have glasses. Yes, they're prescription for distance. No I do not wear them regularly. It's not completely vanity. It's more that I lose things that are not attached to me, and I flat out refuse to wear those hang-your-glasses-around-your-neck things. It's amazing to me that I still have a cell phone. I don't even carry a purse because I don't like keeping track of things. So no, I don't wear my glasses.

And yet, today I have no choice. (Note: my favorite Starbucks guy says they make me look intellectual. Then I proceeded to order the wrong thing and he commented that looks aren't everything. Such is my life.) So I'm out in my glasses, and, oh yes, my brain is fried. Fried. Like using-the-wrong-word-to-describe-things fried. I needed stamps and sent the boyfriend to the post office for a sheet of paper. (Luckily he's fluent in Emily speak and knew what I was getting at.)

Both of these maladies are directly tied to the fact that I had three tests in the last 48 hours. One was officially called a quiz, but it was an hour long, so I'm calling it a test.

And people? I took a beating on these tests. I mean, I don't know that I did really well on any of them. That hurt. I like to think that I'm pretty intelligent if I do say so myself, but this whole school and work thing is killing me. I keep thinking that I'm not using every spare minute efficiently (which I'm not) but there has to be some downtime to myself, right? Or is that just a luxury that I can't afford right now? Luckily I have no more assignments/tests due this week. Just a presentation, test, and quiz next week. I wish I were kidding.

But the point of this is that, while I realize that in the grand scheme of things - 30 is the new um....30, I don't see any 18-year-olds complaining that they can't see the writing on the gigantic projection screens that line the front wall of the lecture hall. All of a sudden, I feel old. And tired.

May 3rd can't come soon enough.

Clementines and other randomness

So, I baked a cake last night. I am ridiculously pleased about my cake. It's called Gooey Pumpkin Cake, and my mother made it for the first time over Thanksgiving. I have a friend who "worships at the altar of pumpkin" so I immediately thought about making one for him.

But first I had to make Gooey Pumpkin Cake version 1.0. You know... To give to the boyfriend to take to work. So that if it sucks, and I really CAN'T bake, then at least I know before I go and present a crappy cake as a gift. The boyfriend is resigned to being the guinea pig, and I think he figures that judging from the ingredients, anything I put together last night had to taste good.... (we hope.)

But the reviews are in and the Gooey Pumpkin Cake 1.0 is a success. Woo Hoo! Tonight I make version 1.1 (one minor modification.) Wish me luck. I'm becoming a regular Suzy Homemaker, huh? Next up - Molasses cookies. (I kid you not.)

I have a test this weekend. I am remarkably un-stressed about said test. I think I'm beyond caring. I need to fix that. It's not like the semester is over, you know... But I have an outing with friends on Friday night, volunteering and spa day on Saturday... It's hard to care about the fourth test of the semester (and the last one before the final.)

When at the grocery store hunting for lunch yesterday, I happened upon seedless Clementines for sale. Um, YUM! They're like small oranges, only better. No seeds, the skin just peels right off, and they're perfectly sweet. It must be the season. Who knew?? The only downside is that they're so small, you can eat 3 and not even notice.

But it's fruit, right? It's not a bad thing if you're eating a lot of fruit...

If you guessed that a couple of clementines are coming with me to class tonight, you are absolutely correct. This is so that I can annoy everyone around me with the smell of orange while not having enough to share...

With two dogs in the apartment, the boyfriend and I share dog walking responsibilities as follows - I walk them every morning, and he walks them every evening. When we're both home, we are responsible for our own dog.

So this morning walk serves a couple of purposes for me lately. First, is it warm enough for me to be lazy and not blow dry my hair? Lately the answer is a resounding no. Not only do I have to dry my hair, I have to wear gloves, a hat and sometimes a scarf. Winter is officially here as far as I'm concerned. Second, are layers the way to go today, or can I get away with just a sweater and a jacket? This varies based on whether or not I have the foresight to pre-heat my car. Third, exactly what are the chances that I'm going to get my butt into the gym to workout that morning? (slim to none in the cold.)

Luckily both dogs are short haired and dislike the cold as much as I do. They exit the apartment, do their business, and then immediately want to go back inside. The problem is that they still think that "inside" is an appropriate place to get rid of all the energy they're left with after the short foray into the cold.

Today begins my month in the garage. Hooray! No more pre-heating the car and further damaging the environment. I can walk directly from the warm apartment into the semi-warm attached garage. Woo Hoo!!! (Of course, this triples the possibility that I will be dressed inappropriately for the cold weather and thus suffer when I have to walk to class on campus.)

Random enough for you? Hope so. Just thought I would get something else posted before another week goes by.

Man, this post-a-day plan worked out really well, did it not?

Oh oh!! One more thing!! I used to think that this whole "feminism" thing was trendy. (joke joke...) Turns out it's been around for longer than I thought possible. Apparently, it's ALWAYS been acceptable for women to propose marriage to men. You just have to pick the correct day. Who knew? And you know what 2008 is, right ladies???

Trigonal Bipyramidal...

...Tetrahedral...Octahedron. That's all I can think about right now.

I had grand aspirations of writing a blog about my friends turning thirty today, and how I can't imagine that I'm almost thirty as well....this age that I feared, and thought of as "so old" for so much of my life thus far. And now? How I still feel like the 22 year old who just graduated from college. And I was going to mention how I saw a girl wearing a t-shirt from my alma mater when I went out for lunch the other day, and I thought to myself, "I wonder if I know her - we're about the same age." And how the thing is, I'm probably about a decade older than she is.

And I was going to discuss deep insights on life, and friendships, sprinkled with witticisms to make you laugh.

But I just got out of chem class. And we're discussing the shape of molecules. And now it's 11:30pm and I REFUSE to give up on nablopomo yet.... So I will tell you about how unpaired electrons affect the shape of a molecule because they take up so much more space than a bond between atoms. Or how a central atom can sometimes break the octet rule to form a molecule that is trigonal bipyramidal.

Or maybe I won't. Maybe I'll just save that for another time, rest my weary brain, and promise to write a more scintillating post for you tomorrow.