Friday, March 27, 2009

Not Suitable for Human Beings

So this "grumpy" mood has turned into one of the foulest moods ever. Seriously. For the sake of society as a whole, I'm trying my best to remove myself from it. This is one of those times that I sort of wish I liked camping because I can't think of any other way to get completely away from everyone and everything. (Except my dogs. They might suck sometimes, but boy are they cute.)

Last night I ditched book club (fellow members can thank me later) so as to be able to keep calling those people my friends, and planned on spending a quiet evening at home being in a foul mood. Maybe the dogs could cheer me up. Apparently notsomuch. After not quite being satisfied on the couch, I ended up deciding to take another bike ride. I mean, if you put on your iPod and ride your bike, there aren't many activities that are more solitary, right? (Well, I guess I could have taken a jog....but no thanks. I mean, I was already in a bad mood...)

The bike ride tired me out, I didn't speak to anyone, and I came home a bit more calm, so I think it served its purpose. But still, there was a litany of horrible thoughts going through my mind about stupid geese (I swear to God I'll kick the next one that hisses at me,) the emo kid capital of Indianapolis (I tried to ride through really quickly to avoid getting any angst on me,) people who are still riding skateboards at my age (seriously?) people who walk side by side (slowly) along the Monon trail (and don't seem to think they need to move over when a polite voice reminds them that bicycles are also allowed on the trail. Note to these people - you only get one polite reminder before I run you over. Kthxbai.) and finally, other bicyclists.

Seriously, if you ride a bike with a tire that is less than an inch thick, you dress like Lance Armstrong, and you're NOT a complete douchebag, I would like to meet you. Because right now, I think you're a mythical creature right up there on the level of Bigfoot and tiny green spacemen. I mean, I get that your workout means you must ride as fast as you can in an effort to break the sound barrier. And I get that I'm not riding NEARLY that fast. But let me point out to you that A) obviously neither my bicycle, nor its rider, is built for speed so it's not like there's any false advertising going on here, B) I'm staying on the right hand side of the trail like a good little slow rider, and C) You do know that you're not actually Lance Armstrong, right?

I mean, it's springtime, so you do know that there will be other people out on the trail, right? And sometimes, there's congestion. Sometimes, you'll have to slow down and get in line with everyone else to be able to cross the street. Trust me, the little Italian/Peruvian on the bike that's about one inch too big for her is doing her best to get through the congestion as well. There is no need to inch up right behind her, and then put your front tire next to her rear tire, and then keep inching up until you're practically right next to her in a mass of pedestrian congestion because, believe me, as soon as she's through and can get out of your way, she will. And if you continue with your current behavior, she might just "accidentally" fall over right on top of you. She's not so steady on her bike, that one.

Those of you who zoom around other cyclists and only give an inch or so of clearance aren't immune to my wrath either. I mean, there's a whole trail for you to go around. No need to scare the bejeezus out of people who are minding their own slow little business and cause them to swerve themselves. Seriously. Rude. Either slow down or give us more clearance. Again, we're not doing anything to you, you know.

In an odd way, it makes me want to get out my rollerblades again. Because then I can randomly put out my arms and accidentally hit people in the face. (okay, stomach. Not so tall is Emily.) Unfortunately, the route that connects my house to the Monon is graveled, and not so friendly for rollerblades. So the bike it is. I keep hoping that it's the magic answer to end the foul mood. I mean, it worked on Saturday. Does anyone have any other suggestions? (And no, chocolate doesn't work. Emily is not so much a fan of chocolate.)

This weekend, if I can find a "spotter" I'm going to try getting Casey out in her brand new harness and see how she does with Emily on a bike. I mean, that sounds like a great idea, right? Nothing could possibly go wrong in that scenario... I'll make sure to keep you updated (with pictures if possible.)


Farmerspice said...

I'll be your spotter...oh wait. Casey will be great until she sees something else that she wants and you go flying off the bike tumbling over the handle bars...wear your helmet and pads, it's going to be rough ride.


Anonymous said...

Those people? Those Lance-Armstrong dressing, skinny-tire bike people? I HATE them. Where I live is only back roads with no berm, SKINNY back roads with no berm, and those people won't even move to the side of the road when I come behind them in my car. So if we are going up a hill (of which there are plenty in western PA) or around a long blind curve and I can't see past those people I am not about to pass them and get into a head-on collision. So I am stuck going 2 mph while they struggle up the hill in the middle of our lane. It's even worse when there are 3-5-7 of them in a group. ARG. HATE!!!

(yeah, bicyclists of that nature are a pet peeve of mine. Hey, *I* ride a bike but I get off the road when a car is behind me!)

AnnD said...

I don't have any experience with bike trails since I'm a lazy-ass. But, I can assure that I have the same kind of thoughts about people who wear pajama pants with cartoon characters on them in public places.