Friday, July 17, 2009

Really Jac? The Boy's Side?

I wasn't going to blog about this. But then I realized a few things:

A) the boy doesn't read this blog, even though he knows full well where it is located and that I post about him regularly.
B) I was so horrified last night that I had no CHOICE but to share this story
C) I need reassurance that my plan might actually work.*

So, on a recent field trip, I spent the day with the boy's sister. When discussing how much I dread mowing my lawn (but if I make myself do it regularly it's not such a HUGE deal) she indicated (very strongly) that she, too, hated the yard work. In fact, she hated it so much that she's considered paying the boy to take care of it for her. I was surprised. The boy's sister is usually very mild mannered. To have her express such a strong opinion must mean she really hated the yard work.

At this point, a plan began to take place.

I don't know if I've blogged about this before, but the boy? The boy hates to do dishes. I don't know why. Even when we first began dating, his entire apartment would be spotless....and the sink would be full of dishes.** It hasn't gotten any better. In fact, it's gotten worse. Now it's not just the's the counters...the stove....basically anywhere that he can put dirty dishes. Ew.

And so I decided that the boy would mow his sister's lawn once a week (and trim every other week) and she would do his dishes. To my surprise, she agreed.*** We ended up deciding that she would only do 90 minutes of work on his dishes/apartment per week - approximately the time it would take him to mow/trim.

What do I get out of this deal? Hmmmm. Well, I was going to be there while the dishes were washed, and once clean, I was going to put them all in boxes for storage in my basement. When all is said and done, I plan for the boy to only have one dish, one bowl, one glass, and one set of silverware.

The idea being, of course, that in that situation he would HAVE to wash the dishes after using them. (Because, though the dirty dishes may lead you to believe that the boy is really really gross**** he won't eat off of a dirty dish.) And if the boy DOESN'T wash the dishes, at least there are only five in the sink as opposed to five hundred.***** And in THAT case, the dreaded chore of doing the dishes is only a 20 minute task at most and not hours and hours of labor.

Because seriously? This is what was LEFT after the boy's sister worked on his dishes for 90 minutes. An hour and a half of labor, and this is what's LEFT! What you don't see in the picture are the two gross gross gross rubbermaid containers that were left to soak in the hopes of drowning the alien life forms that had grown within them.

See? I'm not dating a guy, I'm raising a toddler.

What's WEIRD is that he'll clean a bathroom until it's spotless (a chore that I HATE) but won't touch dishes. His entire apartment could be sparkling, and he'll consider the job done, even with a sink full of dishes. I don't get this avoidance of dishes. HE HAS A DISHWASHER FOR GOODNESS' SAKE!!

So this is a plea. Tell me this will work. It will work, right? I mean, it will work. All I want is for the boy to keep a decent house. That's all. To show me that he CAN (is willing to?) even if his hand is being held. I don't even mind's the alien life forms that I mind. (Well, that and that satan dog.) At this point, I wouldn't even mind if he wanted to spend money on disposable dishes. Environment be damned. As long as no one has to be subjected to the "before" view of the dishes ever again.******

*Pretty please?

**Ladies? Consider this your PSA to read the writing on the wall! These tiny little things that you overlook could become a HUGE deal later on. Especially if they're there in the beginning when, you know, he's supposed to be putting his best foot forward.

***In my defense, I really did try to explain exactly how bad the dishes were. But I don't think she really believed that I would get the boy to do her yardwork once per week. Oh ye of little faith. Here's your introduction to the will of Emily.

****And I understand it's easy to think that way.

*****Seriously - the boy ran out of glasses, and used an MARTINI SHAKER to drink out of. He ate out of a DISC THAT'S USED FOR DISC GOLF! THE GUY I'M DATING ATE DINNER OUT OF A GLORIFIED FRISBEE INSTEAD OF WASHING HIS DISHES!!!!

******I didn't post it because, seriously, you guys would judge me for dating a guy who lived like that. Seriously. Your imaginations can't even begin to make up how bad it was. I'll spare you the reality.


zlionsfan said...

Keep in mind that paper/plastic plates and stuff have to be taken out periodically as well. If he's good about the trash, it's not as big of a deal. (The environmental impact, on the other hand ...)

Also, your plan isn't going to work ... because it didn't work before. But good luck this time around.

ems said...

first time for the plan, zlionsfan.

punkinmama said...

So, does he actually keep the rest of the apartment clean, except for the dishes? Or do you just know that he *can*? Because why didn't you just make him clean the bathrooms while you did the dishes (when you lived together)?

Farmerspice said...

OMG he has a dishwasher??!! and it's still like this. I absolutely cannot stand to do dishes but since I have a portable dishwasher now, all is well! Yay me and it's free!! So yeah, no excuse for that, but a remedy possibly, only one fork, one plate, one knife, etc can be out or/used. Then you actually do wash that and then you don't have piled up dishes.

Ok you're right it won't work, but you can overlook this and he can clean the bathroom for you while you load the dishwasher.

Jaclyn said...

If he keeps the rest of the place sparkling AND cleans bathrooms then I think you have to let the dishes go. We all have flaws. You do dishes - he cleans bathrooms. Sounds like a happy life to me!

The Carrels said...

how about dear husband only does dishes...i do everything else...I'm his toilet scrubbing, laundry doing, dusting, vacuuming cleaning fairy...I'd much rather have a few dishes in the sink than have to do everything else.

Candace said...

Before I became an adult (if you didn't already know that was at age 25) I also had an aversion do the dishes. The part about drinking out of a Martini glass made me laugh out loud. I distinctly remember eating out of the pie tins because that was the only clean thing left. He might grow out of it...I did.

ems said...

When we lived together, I was in charge of the dishes/laundry and the boy was in charge of bathroom vacuuming. It worked....most of the time. (ie. when he actually did his share) The problem is that now that he lives alone, there is no bathroom cleaning, no vacuuming, no dishes.... (so no, punkinmama and Jac, the rest of his apartment is super messy. Not disgusting like the sink, but messy. There is no sparkling.)

Seriously - who lives like that?

AnnD said...

I so don't judge you. I think each couple has their "divisions of labor" that they end up being comfortable with. Now, if you ate off of one of the dirty dishes...maybe I'd judge you. But, that obviously hasn't happened.

I'm actually quite impressed with the fact that the rest of his apartment is spotless and he actually cleans his bathrooms! That puts him at the higher end of the evolutionary scale for men (in my opinion).

ems said...

No. Rest of apartment NOT spotless. He *CAN* clean to that level, and when he actually did his half of the chores when we lived together, the place WAS spotless. But now? notsomuch. His apartment is messy messy messy. But not gross. I have to distinguish. The sink is gross. The rest of his apartment is just messy.