This is what I hear from the very hot, very shirtless guy who is jogging towards me on the canal towpath as I am walking my dogs. He's wearing an iPod which covers for the fact that I am stunned speechless and can't even muster a witty retort. (He was that hot.)
Also covering for my moment of idiocy is the fact that he's looking at my dog. More specifically, he is looking at Blue. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the hot man was hitting on my dog. I would normally be depressed by this, but at this point, I'm immune.
My dog gets hit on all the time.
My dog gets hit on more than I do.
In fact, the current tally is Blue - 110, Emily - 1. (Give or take a few. Take in Emily's case.)
To be fair, Blue is a good looking dog. I mean, he was cute when I first met him, but now he's put on weight (all muscle - that boy is STRONG) and his coat is all shiny and blue... He's a good looking dog. But, seriously, what am I? Chopped liver? Blue will literally stop conversations. We will approach a group of people talking on the sidewalk, and they will all pause as I walk by. Just when I'm about to pass them, I hear a low whistle, or a soft, "What a beautiful dog." To which I respond, "Thanks!" and am then inevitably drawn into a conversation about what his name is, what kind of dog he is, how old he is, and "What do they call that color? I've never seen that color before!" Funny - his name is Blue...
You would think that these conversations would parlay into something about me and the guy who stopped me to talk, right? After all, isn't that what dogs are supposed to do? I mean, guys walk puppies to pick up girls, right? Aren't guys supposed to start talking to me about, well, me after complimenting my dog? Isn't that conversation supposed to lead to a date for Blue's mommy?? But no... people carry on about how gorgeous Blue is and then the conversation ends. (or the hot shirtless guy just jogs on by.)
Casey usually gets the shaft. Nevermind that I think she's the world's most adorable dog... When someone deigns to comment on her appearance, it's usually something like, "I like that one's eyes," or "I've never seen ears like that before." And then the conversation turns back to Blue. I would say that she's getting a complex, but since she doesn't really like new people that much, I'm sure she doesn't mind that all these strangers are heaping praise on her adopted brother. She's off sniffing some new smell or pulling slightly - urging us to end the conversation and get going on our walk again.
It's a psychological principle that people are attracted to others of the same or similar attractiveness levels. That's for both friendship and relationships. Those relationships work out the best because there's no undercurrent of competition. Give that information, can I continue to be a good mom to a dog who is apparently my main competition in the looks department? (Um, I'm competing with a DOG in the looks category? That can't be good on any level...) I mean, Blue is ruining my mojo. That fact, coupled with the fact that the neighborhood kids called me "The lady with two pit bulls*" doesn't bode well for my chances on picking up any dates soon while walking the dogs, and really, what else do I spend the majority of my time doing? Studying? Fabulous.
Bummer, because first on my list of "must haves" for a future date is "must love dogs." Maybe it should be changed to "must love dogs - just not as much as you must love me."
*I don't know what I expected there, really. Girl? Pretty girl? All I know is that the word "lady" just about caused me to pass out from sheer panic. The only thing that could have been worse is if they had called me "ma'am."