...until the professor put the answers on the board.
People, I'll be lucky if I got a 50% on that stupid quiz. And I have a test over the same material on Monday.
Tomorrow is the last day to drop out of classes with a W instead of a grade.
All I can think is that I don't want to be in school anymore.
I mean, I know I want to be a vet. I get that. What I'm tired of is feeling dumb. I'm tired of questioning whether or not this whole "I'm an intelligent person" idea that I have is based less on fact and more on self-delusion. I'm tired of not having any free time. I'm tired of putting all of this effort into a class that I won't use ever again EVER and getting such little return. Most of all I'm frustrated. I hate that I can't do this. I hate that I'm drowning under work and school when I'm supposed to be able to handle anything.
I hate that organic chemistry has shattered my confidence.
Because vet school? Very competitive. And my GPA? Can't handle another C in chemistry.
The boy suggested taking a semester off. But if I was going to take a semester off, this should have been it. I mean, summer is coming after this, and that's usually enough of a recharge to get me back on the saddle in August. And if I take the fall semester off this year? Do I really want to delay my application to vet school again? (Answer: no.)
Z asked me if I was willing to do this for five more years. No. No I'm not. But I don't have to.
Only, I have to get through this part to get to that part. And right now, all I can think is that I don't want to do this anymore.
So I'm sending out an SOS. Help a girl out. Remind me that I can do this. Remind me why I should. Because right now? I can't remember on my own. All I can think is that I don't want to keep getting kicked when I'm down. I don't want to keep putting all this effort into something and barely getting by. Who, in their right mind, would sign up for this torture? All I can think is that I don't want to be in school anymore.
And tomorrow is my last day to make that decision.