Friday, November 30, 2007

An apple a day...

I don't go to the doctor often, er, ever really. I mean, there's just no need. Along with my love of food, my mother bestowed upon me a hardy constitution, a certain stubbornness about my invincibility, and an IQ above 10. Therefore, I am rarely ill, when I am injured I tend to just "push through the pain," and I don't engage in silly activities like "climbing trees" or "running really fast" or "riding my bicycle on the road." You know, things that could result in broken bones. (Don't judge my childhood of reading...)

(And nevermind that one of my favorite pasttimes (rollerblading) has resulted in my most serious injury thus far. But there was a car involved. And an impatient driver. I blame him.)

I also dislike taking medicines. I don't know what it is about my brain, but I think the body is better off taking care of itself. If I have a headache, that means I should lie down, not take medicine and work anyway. (I'm sounding more and more like a hippie daily, aren't I?) I try my best to adhere to that belief, but I am human. I've been sick. I've had the flu. And I've taken medication.

(And boy, when I *do* get sick, I get SICK. And I turn into a complete baby. One of those "tend to my every need" people. It's not pretty. In those times, I will actually turn to NyQuil. NyQuil is a lifesaver.)

Regardless, I don't go to the doctor. I don't even have a general practitioner where I live, and I've been here going on eleven years.

I do, however, have my yearly appointment with the "girly doctor." I mean, I'm not completely stupid. I would like to be sure that everything is, um, okay. (AND, the girly doctor writes prescriptions for some very important medications that I somehow don't mind putting in my body...) Today happens to be the day of my appointment.

(No - I'm not going to write about that. C'mon! Even I have my limits.)

What I find interesting about my yearly visit with my girly doctor is the prep work involved. Seriously. It's ridiculous.

It's FREEZING here. I get home late at night, sleep in as much as possible in the morning, have about a million things going on at once... I can't be bothered to shave my legs for the boyfriend, and he lives with me. Any sort of pampering for myself is put on hold until the weekends when there's time for a hot shower....and time for long naps...

And yet, there I was this morning - shaving my legs for a man I see once a year. I mean, I was late to work for that reason, and that reason only.

And what does he care, really? What, do I think he's going to judge me because the hair on my legs might rival his? Do I not think he sees other women who choose not to shave their legs? (Actually, where I live, he probably doesn't. Where I live, women are waxed, plucked, and lasered to within an inch of their life.) So, hypothetically, he HAS to have seen worse personal hygeine than mine. I am not a dirty person (um, daily shower is non-negotiable) ...just busy. But I would no sooner go in there with unshaven legs as I would go in there naked.

And not only shaving my legs, I was worried about any sort of know...down there.

But how can women NOT be? I mean, after seeing shots of Christina and Britney and knowing how they handle the "down under maintenance," doesn't a small part of all women feel that they should follow suit? And if you don't? What if your "down under maintenance" is weird? I mean, how would you know? How often do women discuss this? Does anyone actually compare to other women? With the exception of 'Sex in the City,' I have never heard this as a topic of conversation. And we all know that there is no topic I won't discuss.

(By the way, Samantha and Carrie both add to the pressure that Chrstina and Britney have already created, and is that standard actually maintainable for a normal woman?)

But your girly doctor....see, THEY see it all. What if your maintenance is, um, in need of a touch up? What if your maintenance consists neglect? What will your doctor think?

These are the sorts of thoughts that plague me on the day of my girly doc appointment. It's not, "what if the tests find something abnormal" or "what if he finds a lump." It's "Shit. I missed a spot on my leg when shaving this morning."

Well, that and "I'll definitely bet HER maintenance is worse than MINE," about various women in the waiting room....


Anonymous said...

Wow! You went there!

But I won't even try and deny that I do the very same thing.

At least now, I know I'm not alone :P

AnnD said...

I loved this!!! I used to do some prep work before my yearly exam until I got pregnant. After that, you are "violated" so often, it doesn't even phase you. I do think that OB/GYN's have seen so many va-jay-jay's they won't recall mine five minutes after I walk out of the door.