Thursday, February 19, 2009

That which does not kill me...

Have I mentioned how much I love living in the city? City trumps suburbs. Seriously. There's just so much more character. And more little independent shops where the owners know your name. And just... more blue. It's so nice.

Anyway, I was talking with the boy this weekend, and I happened to mention what I call the "parade phenomenon" when I walk the dogs south of my house. He got a little worried and began to lecture me about walking the dogs alone. While I appreciate his concern, I feel safer on my own than I probably should. Besides, I'm not just going to subject the dogs to "yard only" unless I can find a walking companion. I can handle it.

Let me back up a little bit. When I take the dogs on a long walk, I generally go south of my house. The neighborhood is a bit rougher, but we end up a beautiful location that we all love. I try to go early in the mornings on the weekends, but during the week I generally have to go between the end of work and when the sun sets.

What I've noticed is that in the mornings, there's no one out. I can boogie my way down the street to JT and not see a soul. In contrast, in the later afternoons or evenings it seems like everyone is out on their porch. If they're not already on their porch, they come out when I'm walking past. I don't know if it's just because I'm in the racial minority, or because I'm a female walking two pit bulls, but I seem to get a lot of interest when I walk by.

I get a lot of kids who want to pet my dogs, and they always freak out when it's Blue they have to pet and not Casey. Apparently Blue is scary and Casey looks less threatening. Right.

I get a lot of younger guys who want to know if they can have puppies when I breed my dogs. So my mouth doesn't get me into trouble, I generally wave vaguely at my iPod and pretend that I can't hear those requests.

I get older gentlemen who ask about my dogs and I always stop and chat for a moment.

I get a lot of "Mmmmm, you GO girl" from other women when they see my dogs.

Apparently, even though I do not perceive a threat in any of those scenarios, the boy thinks that I should have a chaperone when walking in the evenings. Which led to the following exchange.

"I just, you know, worry about you. If you got attacked or something."
"Please. Attacked? I pity the fool who tries it."
"Are you kidding me? If a 200lb man wanted to have his way with you, he would."
"Yeah, but who's going to try?"
"Emily, you are FIVE FEET TALL!"

At this point, seeing his distress, I decided to have an honest conversation.

"Okay. Let's say some fool decides that my dogs aren't a problem or, God forbid, dispatches the dogs in some way. Why would I still be waiting around to see what he's going to do to me?"
"Sweetie, you can't run that fast. Even with adrenaline, I give him about two minutes before he catches up to you."
"Fine. Point taken. He chases me and catches me. I'm not saying that he wouldn't be able to have his way with me..."
"Thank GOD you're listening."
"...I'm not saying that I wouldn't be raped, or even possibly killed. But at least it will be easy to find the guy who did it."
"What?"
"Right. Just look for the guy with only one eye. Or missing his testicles. That's the guy who did it. Trust. And there will be TONS of forensic evidence on me. I watch CSI."
(massive eye rolling) "I'm sure."
"You think I wouldn't go down fighting? That I'm going to submissively LET him have his way with me? I'm sorry, have we met?"
"Point taken. But still, I would rather have you alive."
"Awh. I love you too. But, honestly, I'm not sure, um, how much protection, um, you would be. Um. Unless I tripped you while I was running away. Yeah, that might work!"
"Bitch."

I'm just glad he didn't consider what would happen if the guy knocked me out. Which is why I carry pepper spray. I'm not COMPLETELY dumb.

6 comments:

Jaclyn said...

That's hilarious. I always walk Fos alone. And I carry pepper spray to protect the dog (break up any fights - you know, since the incident on the canal a few years ago) but not to protect me.

It's your booty that gets all the attention. ;)

Farmerspice said...

I was so thinking exactly what Jaclyn wrote!! LOL. I've been with you when you walk that route. It's definitely entertaining.

I don't think you have anything to worry about on your walks.

AnnD said...

I would feel safe with your dogs too! Blue is so solid, he's one big muscle. Maybe he'll feel better if you get a Tazer!

ems said...

Oh I'm sure! Like I walk the dogs in clothing that shows off the booty. Honestly ladies!! Sheesh.

Farmerspice said...

Booty's have a way of making themselves known.

you know...apple bottom jeans...boots with the furrrr... :)

Moore said...

Umm... you are walking Pit Bulls, not poodles. I do not believe people in the neighborhood you speak of think these are dogs who will just roll over or cower in fear if you were threatened. Anyone who tried anything probably would end up in the hospital missing a limb and in that instance they'd deserve it.