Thursday, August 27, 2009


I must admit, I took full advantage of my last few weeks of freedom in August. Ever since I returned from my family vacation,* between seeing friends, eating out with friends, going to concerts with friends and biking with friends (not to mention weddings and the like) my weeknights and weekends were pretty much packed full.** In fact, it was difficult to find a time that would work for me to return Blue to my parents. (He actually remains with me for now.)

Needless to say, lawn care has pretty much fallen to the wayside. In fact, the weeds have so encroached my front porch that there is only a narrow opening of about 6 inches that you can pass through to get into my house without being touched by something green.

I remember when lawn care was all about accomplishment. Yeah, that's done now.

In my defense, when I left for California, it was my neighbor's turn to mow the lawn. I left it pretty well controlled. I actually used the weed-eater the week before I departed. (I so rock.) When I returned (six days later) the lawn looked like a lawn that hadn't been mowed in about a two weeks. (The words "Man! What?? Was six days NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU?!" might have been the first words out of my mouth when we arrived home from the airport.***)

Unfortunately, since I was so busy, I literally had no good time (when it wasn't raining) to get out and mow the lawn. In fact, it wasn't until ten days after I got home that the weather and my free time coincided enough for me to plan to mow. It was that day that my neighbor decided to pull his weight and I got home to a freshly mowed lawn.**** Neighbor is a boy, did I mention that? My sense of fairness is strained when I think about how he is a boy and I am a girl and I am doing the bulk of the yardwork for a house that we share.*****

And then it was left for twelve more days. I am not proud of this fact, but my was full. So on Tuesday, I decided that since I could no longer see the dogs when they went outside, I must do what needs to be done. Sigh. First things first - must retreive mower that hasn't been used in over a month.

Ummmmm.... I don't know where Mr. Neighbor keeps his power mower, but it certainly isn't in the garage where I keep my puny, eco-friendly mower. Because the garage door? Was booby trapped by spider webs. Big ones. Big spider webs that had spiders in them, one of which caught his lunch as I was stopped simultaneously wondering how I was going to proceed and grateful that I had noticed the webs before walking right into them.

Easy enough - I had just seen Mr. Neighbor. I will go to him, play the girl card, and hope that he will dispose of said spiderwebs.****** Hmmmm....Mr. Neighbor isn't home. Okay. I can do this. Will get stick. Long stick. Maybe long branch instead. Done.

People, there was RESISTANCE before those webs broke. Seriously!! Resistance like they were made of teeny tiny steel cables! I have mutant spiders that are now planning to feast on my eyeballs in retaliation for destroying their home. EEEEEEK!

While shrieking, I did manage to get the mower out. I also pushed it in front of me all the way to the front lawn in order to kill any vengeful spiders who may have been planning their immediate attack. Ha ha spiders! Eat my eco-friendly blades!!

So now there's a nice little path cut through from my garage to my front lawn. Classy.

So I mowed. And I sweated. And I now have 13 bug bites on my legs. And the entire time I was wondering where on EARTH all this responsibility in my life came from? I mean, I didn't inadvertently request it, did I? But it got done. Of course, I was a panting, sweaty, disgusting mess when my other neighbor (two doors down) came up impeccably dressed and asked me if I would mind mowing HIS lawn.

Now, I know that I'm a tough grrrl and all that, but I'm using this mower. And even on a tiny lawn, it's not like I make it look effortless. It generally takes between 30 - 45 minutes to get my lawn done,******* and that doesn't include the time taken to curse at random sticks that abruptly stop my progress on a regular basis.********

So I laughed and declined, but offered him the use of my mower.

Folks, he wasn't kidding. (!!!)

"Oh honey, I don't DO yard work."

Yeah. I don't either.

"But I'll pay you!"

Woah. Did NOT see that coming.

I politely declined again and told him that basically there wasn't enough money in the world...even though I'm a poor starving student. But that anytime he wanted to borrow my mower! Or have his roommate borrow my mower! (I subsequently found out that his roommate doesn't do yard work either) He was more than welcome.

And then I totally referred him to my procrastinating neighbor with a power mower. Wonder how that will work out? As of today, his lawn still isn't mowed. My lawn looks better than his lawn. Nah nah nah nah nah!

*PS. Don't see Watchmen

**Why yes, I was trying to overdose on friends before school started so that perhaps I wouldn't miss them as much when I was in hell.

***The boy's response was, "Wow. Is that what you sound like when I put things off too?" The answer is "indubitably."

****Coincidentally also the day I stopped hating him.

*****Fine. I'm not a feminist. I mean, I can do anything I want to do, and anything a man can do, but I believe that there are some things that girls should be able to pass off if there is an able bodied man (with a power mower!!!) around, and yard work is one of them. I'll handle getting the discounts at the video game store. Just hand me that push-up bra over there.

******Note to self. This process? Not elective. Needs to be repeated each year. Purchase bug bombs in bulk.

*******You can be guaranteed that it doesn't matter how long it takes, the boy will show up the moment I've put the mower away. I'm not convinced he's not spying on me to find the opportune time to arrive at casa de Emily.

********I'm pretty sure I curse out loud, too. I have my iPod in, so I can't be sure, but I have noticed that the moms take all their kids indoors when they see me lugging out my mower.


Kat(i)e said...

I think the ********** have gotten out of control.

Candace said...

I am so in agreement with you....if I could get a boy to do my lawn work it would be heaven. Of course...I would need a boy first. Perhaps I should work on that.

I am sad that you will not be able to play very much sucks!

zlionsfan said...

I find it interesting that you pretend to be so independent that people cannot help you with your groceries, even if there are 14 bags of stuff, but grow a few blades of grass and suddenly this becomes someone else's job.

If it makes you feel better, most work like this (maintenance work, basically, has to be done regularly from now until forever + 1) changes from "fun" to "ok" to "boring". Once when I was about 14, it was fun to mow the lawn. (And now perhaps you understand a little better why I don't knock down the garage door to mow, particularly not when the temperature starts with one of those funny little round-ish symbols.)

Also, your combined yard is about what, half the size of my yard, and mine is about as small as you can get and actually have a yard. No sympathy.

Plus you're giving yourself too much credit. If you were really doing such a good job, you would be able to use an electric weed-eater on the back yard. Like I do.

Maybe your bug problem would decrease in severity if you increased the number of bug predators in your yard.